Why Most Parents Are Accidentally Raising Weak Kids (And How to Stop It) | King Randall

What if everything you thought about raising confident kids was completely wrong?

In this episode of the Success Formula Podcast, we sit down with King Randall, the 26-year-old founder of the X for Boys program, a 100% free, faith-based nonprofit that is doing what the school system, government programs, and even some parents have failed to do: turning boys into men.

King started this program at just 19 years old, right out of his dining room, with 20 kids, zero government funding, and one powerful mission to make sure no young man ends up lost, imprisoned, or purposeless because nobody taught him the basics.

In this powerful conversation, we break down why modern parenting is producing an entire generation of emotionally fragile, skill-less young men. King shares how he uses real-world scenarios, structured routines, controlled hardship, and the lost art of basic etiquette to build unshakeable character in boys as young as six. We also get into why single mothers need to stop doing it alone, how social media is not the villain most parents think it is, the difference between confidence and arrogance, and why giving your child everything they want is one of the most dangerous things you can do.

If you are a parent, mentor, coach, or anyone who cares about the next generation of men, this episode will challenge you, inspire you, and give you a practical blueprint you can start using this week.

King's three-step formula: Routine. Hardship. Consistency. Write it down.

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/newemergingking/
website: https://thexforboys.org/

Tune in every Tuesday at 10 AM for another inspiring success story, along with the proven formula to help you achieve your own goals. Don't miss out on the insights that could change your life!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Kids are losing themselves to age six and seven, smoking weed, talking about sex, having sex at young ages at school.

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Imagine being called controversial for teaching a 12-year-old how to change attire.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Kids don't know the basic things anymore. They don't know how to just say their name or give the proper green of the day. Kids need to have fun. 90% of their lives is fun. For me to give them 10% of hardship is going to help them. Or just simply teaching young boys how to communicate and handle themselves in the real world. My students stand out, they enunciate, and they command presents, you know, when they go in a room, but this is what you're supposed to do. Sounds harmless, right? We're trying so hard to not make our kids upset. We've just let them become anything, and they don't know how to do anything because we're just trying so hard not to be mean. Well, not everybody thinks so.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

My guest King Randall has been doing exactly that. And the pushback he's received is gonna shock you. One of my friends uh got sentenced to 30 years in prison. But here's what's even more powerful than the controversy. It's what's actually happening to these young boys once they learn these skills, the confidence, the identity, the way they keep showing up in the world.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

And what he shares in this episode, if you're using these devices as a babysitter, now you're gonna discover your child isn't what you raised.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

Might be the most important conversation about young men that you will ever hear. Well, man, welcome. I love what you're doing. I appreciate it. Yeah, it's much needed in today's world. I think society has gotten extremely weird in the last hour. I guess in the last like five, ten years it's really gone a different direction.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

It's so weird because the stuff that I'm teaching is like basic stuff. It's like the most basic of things, and people are like, oh my god. So controversial. Yeah, like it's so kind. But I'm just like, we just go in to send a doctor's appointment, or we're just, you know, teaching them how to go to autozone and make a, you know, an order for some windshield wipers or something. But the idea for us is I've seen that the world is so weird that kids don't know the basic things anymore. They don't know how to just say their name or give the proper greeting of the day, you know. And so those are the small things we're working on. So my students, when they're in the public schools, like when they come to us after school and they go back to school, the teachers know my students because my students are saying, yes, ma'am, you know, no ma'am, yes, sir, no, sir, they're giving the proper greeting of the day, you know how to shake hands and things. And um, my students stand out, they they enunciate, they speak loudly, um, and they command presents, you know, when they go in a room. But this is what you're supposed to do. And so when our students are, you know, going out in the town or we're, you know, going to Florida or whatever, they're like, Wow, like these kids can say, you know, something, you know, like just anything, saying hello. Like some people are so like surprised that my son, you know, says, How are you? You know, I'm fine. Thanks for asking. They're just like, whoa. And he's like seven, but but you don't see kids doing it anymore. It's it's absolutely insane. But that's how I grew up. I grew up, you know, in the church, old Baptist church, and we that was mandatory. You were saying yes, ma'am, and no, ma'am, and yes, sir, and no, sir. You had to speak to people when you came in the room. Like, if you were at home and like you came in a room and everybody was there and you didn't say anything, everybody got on you. Like, did you not see all these people sitting here? You're gonna say something. Say good afternoon or say hello or something. Like you weren't just allowed to not speak. Um, so this is what we see nowadays. I think we just have run into a point where we're trying so hard to not make our kids upset because we don't want to traumatize them. I think that's what it is, and now we've just let them become anything and they don't know how to do anything because we're just trying so hard not to be mean. I don't I don't understand it.

SPEAKER_02 3:19

Yeah, and I think that's where people do go wrong, is like they think discipline is like this terrible punishment, but it's not, and a kid needs it. Like I I said it before, like if my kid, if I didn't give him any discipline or give him any structure or anything, right, he would watch YouTube all day and eat candy. All day. I I mean that's just what he would do. He's six years old, like, but and so they don't know. They're just kind of they're trying to figure life out.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Yeah, they're trying to figure it out, and people think that I I hear people all the time say, Well, kids just need to have fun. That's what I hear. And I'm like, and I'm so tired of that. I'm like, dude, 90% of their lives is fun, like 90% of it's more. Yeah, or more. So for me to give them 10% of hardship is going to help them. So now you've read it children who cannot go through any hardship at all. These are your crash outs. These are the ones who, you know, will shoot somebody for just saying anything, or these are the kids that will beat their wives or whatever because they haven't dealt with any hardship. So the only way you know how to release that now is through anger and violence, versus I've given you hardship all your life. You went through things all your life. I've purposely said no. Like, no, you can't get that snack. No, you can't just no, you can't do that. I say no for sport because they also have to understand you're not gonna always get what you want. So even if it's just, hey, dad, can I get an apple? No, like just for fun. Um, because they have to learn after a while that I don't always get what I want. So now it's a little sad sometime. They used to cry, they don't cry anymore. It's still sad, but as time goes by, they're just gonna understand no is just a word. It's something that you're gonna go through. I don't always get what I want. Versus always giving your children everything they want, not making them work for anything, um, you're you're gonna breed a terrible child.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

And it's gonna be a a life with no purpose. And when they grow up, all the stuff that you should have done, right? Right, uh, it's gonna make them into one of those people that you talked about. Yep. Uh, and you're just doing them a huge disservice. A big disservice. Yeah. For those of you who don't know who you are or familiar with you and what you do, introduce yourself and and and tell everybody what you're doing today.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Sure. My name is King Randall. Um the founder of the X for Boys program. Um, 26 years old. This program began when I was 19. Um, I started it in my house, uh in my dining room, uh, just teaching kids uh how to read, uh, how to work on cars. Um, I had 20 crazy parents believe in this 19-year-old kid at the time to come drop your kids off at my house during the summer. Um, and took from eight to five every day, and that's what I did. I taught them. And this is where I discovered that kids didn't know how to read, kids didn't know like basic things like saying the proper reading of the day or saying hello or just exchanging pleasantry, uh pleasantries, uh simple etiquette. Uh kids didn't know. Um, and so that's where I came up the idea to have you know this full X-4 Boys program. Currently, uh we have 25 students. We operate five days a week. We pick the kids up from school every day, we feed them every day. We also send them home with uh toiletries um once a month. So we send them home with like laundry detergent, disc soap, underwear, socks, toothpaste, toothbrush deodorant, all these different things. And not solely because all the kids just need it. Sure, some of them do need it, but not just because they need it. We understand that we're dealing with a struggling population of parents and things in our hometown. So what we like to do is try to alleviate some of the pressure of the parents having to make sure they uh get laundry detergent this month or toothpaste or that their son needing had to have food. We try to supply all of that, and in turn, that builds better morale at home because now mom is able to save a little bit more money from having to buy underwear or socks or deodorant or these different things for their sons growing up. Not only that, they're not having to feed dinner because we're giving them dinner before they go home. So now they're able to go home. Mom's in a good mood. She's also had a break, you know, and and sometimes people uh don't like saying that. But I'm like, moms need breaks, they need time away. I'm a dad, I got four kids, and I enjoy my kids like like forever. But sometimes I need a second, you know, I need I need a minute because it becomes overwhelming sometimes sometimes. So I always imagine like never being able to have a break or never, you know, not being able to afford things or whatever, which in turn creates the morale at home where mom's always snappy and mom's always, you know, upset or aggressive or whatever. Yeah, and she's tired. And it's not that she hates her kids or doesn't like them, it's that life is so overwhelming. The one thing that my child does has made me snap now. Now I'm yelling at them. Now I'm everything they do gets on my nerves or whatever, because this is the only person I actually can take out some of this aggression on because I can't take it out of my boss, I'm gonna get fired. I can't take it out in the world, I'm gonna go to jail. So I can take it out on my child. And it's not that they're again doing it on purpose, it's just that they don't have the space to be able to get a break or the space to uh not have something to worry about. And so that's what we try to do with our program. So it's not just for the boys, it's for their parents too, and their siblings who may not be coming to the program.

SPEAKER_02 7:47

Is it 100% nonprofit?

SPEAKER_00 7:49

Yeah, 100% nonprofit. Um, everything we do is completely free. Um, we don't get any government grant. So the free things that you you know hear me saying that we send home or whatever, all these things are gifted to people, uh gifted to us from people uh who believe in what we're doing. Um so all the laundry detergent and dish soap or whatever like that, it's all on our Amazon wish list on our website. And so people just send that stuff, you know, by I mean the pallets almost. We have so much of this stuff, you know, at the building, and we just send it home every month, you know, with no problem. But this is because people believe in what we're doing. And that's why we're able to stay away from government grants because people actually believe in what we're doing. And I don't want any hands in our in our product. Um, I believe in what we're doing, um, but not everybody believes in what we're doing. People hate that, you know, I teach the kids they're gonna have wives one day, or that we're a Christian-based program, or um we teach them about firearms and different things like that. The moment we decide to go and try and get government funding, a lot of those things get stripped away or they get diluted. And so we have a very traditional way of teaching and a traditional way of uh trying to raise our boys in the program. And so when people just believe in what we're doing, they make sure we're taken care of and God does the rest.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

That's really cool. And you're extremely young to be doing something like this. Yeah, sound like Phoenix and Ferb. What made you not want to go down the traditional path with your kids and and start the program?

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Um, well, my my children on their own. Um, I my son, my first son was born uh when the program started. The program started January 19th, 2019, and then my son was born January 28th.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

Okay, so program before the kids.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Yep, so it was seven days before my son um was born. Um so the the program and my son kind of have the same birthday. Um, but I didn't want to go traditional route because I understand what children are going through nowadays, and I've seen firsthand what children are learning at school. Um that's even the reason I took the ages in my program down. The kids are losing themselves age six and seven, smoking uh weed, uh just doing crazy stuff, uh talking about sex, having sex, whatever, at such young ages at school. When they're not doing this at home, they're doing these things at school. I'm hearing from the teachers, etc. They're explaining what these children are doing, but they're learning it all, you know, from the phones or TikTok or whatever. Um, and nowadays you got kids calling the CPS on their parents or whatever, because they're learning how to do it on TikTok. I've I've watched, you know, TikTok videos of people sharing, you know, how to uh call the you know police on your parents or whatever. We had the situation um with this kid, I know um he learned off of TikTok how to call, you know, the the people on his his folks. And his dad got in trouble, mom got in trouble, and then ended up finding out that it wasn't true, but he was just doing something he saw online. But I had also told the parents before he does not need a cell phone. He's only like eight. Like, why does he have a cell phone? And not only does he have a cell phone, you have no parental controls on it, anything. He's just doing whatever he wants to do. You know, caught him looking at, you know, women on there, you know, boobs and butt, whatever like that. He's on there looking at all that stuff, and they're shocked to see it. But I'm just like, they don't need these cell phones if you're not gonna make sure uh they're doing what they're supposed to do. If you're using these devices as a babysitter, this is gonna be a big problem for you. And now you're gonna discover your child isn't what you raise. What we'll get is parents that come into the schools or parents come to us and say, Well, my child isn't doing that. That's not the child I know. My child would never do this, my child would never do that. And I'm like, ma'am, your child is doing XYZ. He is acting this way. You're at work all day. How are you gonna tell me what your son is doing? And we have him the most. Your children are spending more time at school than they are at home. So who are you to tell the teacher that they're lying? Are there some teachers that are, you know, picking on people or whatever? Absolutely. But for the most part, if you go to these schools now, it's an absolute jungle. Just go in there and just walk the hallways just for a day. And you're like, what in the world is this? It's like one of those TV movies from high school that got uh Guns and Roses playing Welcome to the Jungle. That's exactly what it is at school now. I mean, it's it's insane. Um, but I would never send my own children there. It's I just I couldn't do it. Some conversations I don't want to have with my children so early. I don't want to, you know, I'm not sheltering them, but some stuff they're just too young.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

That was a big mistake I made early on.

SPEAKER_02 11:45

My you know, it was our first child, and so you know, me and my wife winging it, right? We didn't know what to do. And since he didn't talk for so long, he uh he was uh probably four and a half, maybe four, like a little early. And so I was like, man, I can't wait till he he grows up a little bit more and I can teach him all this stuff. And so because he wasn't communicating back with me, I didn't think he was like soaking up every single piece of information. Sure. And so again, like we would be busy. It's like you give him YouTube and he's watching YouTube kids, but like still a bunch of weird stuff. Yeah, yeah. And when he finally started talking, I would start trying to teach him stuff like that I was been trying to teach him, but like he would immediately go back to the stuff he saw on YouTube, and it was really hard. And then once I pulled that away, uh I mean immediately changed. I'm when I say immediate change, almost within like a week or two weeks of like of me being regimented and teaching the stuff I was going to, anyways. Right. And so I'll never do that again. That was a huge mistake, and I think that's where parents they they just want a little bit of time, so that's the only thing that can keep them quiet, right? And they give it to them. Man, biggest mistake ever because, like you said, there's a big it's a different world, and you can pretty much learn anything you you just go down a rabbit hole and you learn anything that they will. And if it's kids, you I mean, he's gonna do what he's gonna do. He's he's trying to figure out life and figure out information, right? And if he learns everything from that, it's not gonna be a good outcome. And luckily, I I kind of caught early that'll never happen again. But I definitely recommend to parents out there, like that's probably the worst thing that I I have seen parents do, and then also I did early on, which which will never happen again.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

And I tell parents too, you know, um, especially if they have Apple devices, I do believe Android has it too, but the parental controls, um, my sons have they have iPads, um, but they're uh have strict time limits on things. They can only be on there so long, they can only communicate with myself um or you know, the grandparents and things like that. The iPad cuts off at seven o'clock, you know, they can only you know use it up until then, and they have extreme parental controls now on the Apple devices.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

Let them do whatever you can you can force them to do whatever they use.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Yeah, literally, I can make everything happen on the iPad. I can shut it down, I can turn it on downtime, I could, you know, only okay, they can only play on this after 15 minutes, you know. Like I can set all those things on there. And so so even if they have an iPad, they can't use it or whatever like that. And they they it it's annoying for them sometime, but they also understand the parameters with it. So now it's not a thing. It's just okay, seven o'clock downtime, all right. iPad goes away because there's no point in in picking it up because there's nothing you could do on it.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Yeah, I started I started using it as a uh uh one thing that he could earn, right? And so on the weekends I'm like, hey, you can watch one hour, yeah, you know, if we improve on all this stuff during the week. And it, I mean, immediately he's like, and then he got to where he didn't even care to watch it that much anymore. I mean, he still will for sure, but I need to get the parental thing just so I can say, hey, if it's an hour, it's really an hour. Yep, and they have to leave somewhere and run an errand or something. I come back, and he's like, it's been an hour and a half or two hours. He didn't know he was still going.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Yep, and you can request, you know, they can request like different times. You have to put a passcode in. I mean, it's it's very thorough. But with that being said, I enjoy that parental controls thing because now we can monitor every single thing that they're looking at. Um, it has even words um that like would send you a ping, like, hey, this word was said, or this word was, you know, uh came across the screen or whatever like that. I mean it's it's really cool. So I would recommend parents to do that. If you just have to have them with a tablet or something, do the parental controls because the kids nowadays, um, and I always tell people if you're watching this, go through your child's phone right now and you're gonna be surprised. I tell every parent that little Jimmy, you're a little sweet little Jimmy that goes to church every Sunday and is doing all the things and it's so cool, go through his phone right now, and they're you're gonna be surprised. Um, and to the point where you're gonna be like, This is what you're doing, this is not what I taught you. Of course it's not what you taught him, but you also didn't teach him with a phone. You know, that the phone's teaching them right now. So just be very, very careful about you know what your children are are seeing. And even um, just when I say not sending my kids to public school, we had this uh sermon, uh, what was it, like last Sunday, and it was like youth Sunday at the church, but the pastor was talking about the different things, you know, like drugs and all this stuff right there to the kids. My kids were sitting there like, what are we talking about? Almost to a point where I almost wish the pastor would have like let us know what she was gonna talk to all the kids about because it was a drastic uh group of uh different age kids. So you had like three and four year olds, and then you know, you had all the way up to 15 year olds. I'm just like, maybe we should have done this, like have a small group, you know, for the younger kids. Because my my sons were like, What are we talking about? Uh a perk? Like what they were completely dumb because they'd never heard of these things. But even after church, like it just went in one ear and not the other because they've never been in that type of environment. They've never heard of those things. They're like, What is a what is a drug, even like any alcohol we may have at home or something like that, that he just calls it grown-up juice. Like he doesn't, it doesn't track, you know, because he's never understood what alcohol is or anything, what it could do, or whatever. But he's only seven and four. They they don't need to know that right now. They're they're still trying to discover that bees are black and yellow. Like it's it's too much so soon for a kid.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

So you started when you were 19, though, before you had kids, or you, you know, she was pregnant. What led you to that point though? What made you said, hey, I want to start this school and I want to start this program? Because you're that's a young age to want to do that.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Uh one of my friends uh got sentenced to 30 years in prison um in high school. Um, and what happened was his brother and his some friends committed the murder. Um, but he wasn't there. He wasn't uh, you know, present at the murder uh scene or anything like that. However, he hid the murder weapon um after finding out what happened.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

How old was he?

SPEAKER_00 17:04

Uh like 17. Yeah. And they sentenced him to 30 years in prison for that. And the family wouldn't let up about it, you know. It was, you know, it was an upsetting thing. But I was, you know, there at the courts trying to advocate, like, you know, I was 18 myself, 18, 19. I'm just like, you know, is there anything that could possibly happen, you know, for him? Like, is there any program he can join or something? Like, I mean, he wasn't there, he don't have a criminal record. I mean, you know, I get yeah, sure it was wrong. Yeah, give him some time. But Jesus, 30 years, like it's absolutely interesting. Correct, you know, so um, but I I found out that they didn't have any rehabilitative programs for like juvenile offenders or just like regular programs in general that I thought were good enough to service our children at Albany. And so that's where I came up with that idea. I started out um with my first oil change workshop at my uncle's house. Um, and I taught like 20 boys how to change oil. Um, I gave them all certificates and things. What I discovered there was so beautiful because I had parents call me because I had kids who were not academically inclined or athletically inclined. And finally, somebody can be proud of them for something because they can do something with their hands. Or they're interested in something. Yeah, they're like, I'm not making straight A's, I'm not able to throw a ball, but I can go home and change my mom's oil. And so now they got their certificates on the wall. Mom's like, my son is so happy, he's you know, he feels confident, you know, or whatever. And so I'm like, okay, interesting. So I did another workshop, taught some kids how to change some brakes on the car, gave them a certificate, whatever. And so the summertime came around, and I had this idea to want to do a summer program. And I was like, I think I'll do a summer program, but I'm gonna have to do it at my house, but I don't know. You know, I'm just it just was in the back of my mind. I was working this forklift job um at this uh warehouse in um my hometown. I was working a night shift, well, working a graveyard shift, and um uh every day, you know, we'd have our normal little routine, we go do our orders or whatever like that, and then we'd like go take a little nap or whatever, because when we didn't have anything to do, but there's one particular day, uh apparently I took a nap and didn't wake up. Like I was just asleep, like just in a cold sleep, and they were saying people was trying to wake me up or whatever. I don't remember any of that. I remember just getting back up when my radio went off to go do another order, you know. But they said I was asleep for like hours. I'm just like, what? Like, no, I wasn't, you know, whatever. But anyway, got fired. And so I ended up from that point. I was like, okay, well, I'm assuming this is my push to go ahead and do the summer summer camp. And that's what I did. Um, I started a summer camp right out of my house in my dining room, and um I posted this flyer on social media and I was like, hey, this is what I'm gonna be teaching for the summer. It people around town started circulating completely free, and uh people started circulating it around town, and that's where we got started. I had people like bringing us water. My hometown's always been a big supporter of what I'm doing. Sure, you got little people here and there that chirp and say little things, they may not like some of my political ideas or whatever like that, or anything, things I might have thought in the in the before, because I was a high head when I was like 1920, so all the stuff I saw wrong. I used to talk about it online or whatever. But um, as I've grown, my hometown has always been like a huge supporter. So the people brought water bottles and brought us different things, you know, bring us donations, whatever, um, right to my house. I didn't have a nonprofit or anything. I didn't know what any of that was. I was just trying to help kids, start taking them on field trips to see these kids on these field trips, like just to Atlanta or to the beach, to see that the ocean is big or to see big buildings was insane because these children had never traveled anywhere, they'd never been outside of our hometown. I was just putting these kids on a van and taking them to like museums and taking them, like I said, to the beach or just to see the big cities. And like they were so surprised. I'm I'm watching it with their little phones, like taking pictures of buildings, and I see this stuff all the time. I mean, I've grown up traveling with my parents often. We traveled all the time, we did cruises and everything. But these kids never been outside of the hometown, even to like one of our local uh uh uh farmers' markets. Uh it's called Mark's Melon Patch. And um, they hadn't even been there. It's only 15 minutes away. I'm like, because the city's like like a city next over. It's only 15 minutes away. I'm like, y'all never been to Mark's Melon Patch? Like we went to the pumpkin patch for a field trip when we were kids. Like, we haven't been here. Let's take them there to go get some ice cream. Like, I mean, it's little stuff just to give them experiences, and but this opens their minds up. And so that's what I'm happy to see, you know, with the program is, you know, since we've begun, we got kids who go into the military now. We've got kids who, you know, become diesel mechanics and things. Um, and and granted, we only have so many success stories because we I started young and the program they started young. So, of course, they're just now turning 18, 19 years old. So now we're having those success stories start to come out, and they're texting me like, hey, thank you for everything you taught me and different things. Some of them I hadn't heard from like a year or two because they, you know, went off. But they'll send me a message back saying, I really appreciate everything you taught me or whatever, or to see that some of them change their lives from the path they were going down. Uh, it means a lot, and that's what kind of keeps you going. Plus, I've also created a lifestyle now where I don't hate anything that I do. I enjoy my life every day. Yeah, so it's not like I have to go on vacation or take a break from what I'm doing. I enjoy it, truthfully. Like, this is what I love to do working with these kids. I love to make people happy. I love to help people, I love to service the students, I love to make their parents happy. Like, it's a it's a cool thing, it's it's rewarding for me. So I really enjoy what we do.

SPEAKER_02 21:52

Walk me through a day in the program. So, you know, they get there as like regular school, they get there at eight. Like, how do you start? So, how does a day progress for my after school kids?

SPEAKER_00 22:00

They arrive to the program, they get there maybe about two or three. We pick them up from school. We pick them up from school. They get there maybe two or three o'clock. They start out, they do devotion. They pray or read and do like a Bible story just to you know get them motivated for the day. They go exercise every single day. I've had kids come in there extremely overweight. And one thing I don't like is to go off for a second. I don't like when you know parents may be overweight or something and they let that translate to their children. That it makes me upset because I'm just like, you know, you control what goes in their mouth, you know, whatever. And you know how it was for you growing up bigger or whatever like that. Why, you know, subject them to that same type of really torture because when you're fat growing up or something like that, people don't let up. Like you're fat and you're fat often, you know, like you're always talked about because of that. And so, you know, um, I don't like that. So we we work the kids out, push-ups, sit-ups, you know, running, all that stuff every single day.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

Teach them about nutrition.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

Yeah, nutrition, absolutely. We, you know, we get fresh food every day for the kids, uh, try to make sure they're eating something proper, except like not noodles or chips or whatever like that. Try to make sure they have, you know, proper nutrition every single day. Um, so you know, with that being said, we feed them, um, uh we do homework, obviously, make sure they have nothing to do. Um, we also do like uh spelling tests, uh, we have data that we track for the kids, tracking their behavior, tracking how far they progress, you know, with reading or math. Um, we just try to make sure they're taking small steps. And the program is boring right now. So when I tell people the program is boring, that means we're clicking on all cylinders. There's nothing crazy happening, there's no drama. Everything's happening how it's supposed to every single day. Um, and for us, you know, we're not looking for the program to be like something major happening every single day. We want it to be boring because this is what life becomes. It becomes a routine. Routines build habits, habits build character, and character makes demand. Um, that's what I believe in. So routines every day, making sure you get up, give the proper greeting of the day to people, um, you know, having exercise routine, making sure you're doing some of the same things over and over again. It eventually becomes your character and who you are. Um, so that's why the program has become boring, you know, to a point, because we want them doing the same things every day, always until the point where it's into inside of your character now. So then we introduce doing more things uh with the kids, like going on field trips and you know, uh taking them to different places, introducing them to people. Um, but we want them to get that inside of their systems first, having that routine.

SPEAKER_02 24:17

Where do the life skills start get integrated in that after school program? Because I know you're doing a lot of life skill stuff, teaching them just about number one, about everyday life, um communication, which is probably one of the most important things they can learn. Yes. I wish I would have somebody would have worked with me like that, like growing up my whole life. I mean, I would have been so much further ahead and and so much more confident.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

Yeah, the confidence piece, you know, I tell people all the time, and when you when you you know hear about boys' programs or whatever, or just programs in general, they're always saying, just you guys need to be confident, speak loudly, et cetera. I'm like, the best way to get them that is through practice. To do it. So our hometown, you know, like again, big supporters. I go around to different businesses now and I call and say, Hey, look, this is what we're gonna do. Can you help me with the kids with a real life scenario? The kids are completely unaware, but you know, the restaurant's in on it.

SPEAKER_02 25:02

Put them in a real situation.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

Correct. The post office is in on it, you know, everybody's in on it. But it's for them to understand that you're gonna have scenarios where you have to speak to people. Somebody's not gonna always speak for you. You have to speak up for yourself. Um, even with our restaurant video we did, I was so happy that we were able to share that moment because they the kids were flustered when the waiter was like doing wrong things or like slamming a place down, or he was like, You guys are asking for a lot today. You know, he was acting very well. Yeah, yeah. And um, the kids were like shocked because they didn't know what to do. And so uh, you know, he brought the wrong food to one of the kids, and you know, so he was just like, just sat there and I'm like, he's like, okay, is everything good? And he was like, Yeah, and I'm like, that's not your food, is it? And he was like, Yeah, yes, it is. I'm like, no, it's not, that's not what you ordered. So he was gonna take it, and after it, you know, he brought the right food, he was like, I was scared. And I was like, What you scared of? He was like, I was just scared, you know, to tell him that my food was wrong. You know, I didn't want to make him upset or anything like that. I'm like, but these are moments that build that confidence because I'm sure a thousand people said, Hey, make sure you have some confidence, but now that you've had an experience, now that you've had the moment, now you can battle that in real life. And now it's not even a battle anymore, it's just life. Things happen. So I had them speak up for themselves. Hey, we don't have any silverware. Hey, can we speak to a manager? You know, hey, our waiter's been doing, you know, X, Y, Z, we just having a little trouble with them, you know, and then the waiter came back and he was like, you know, I hit something on my car today, just had a bad day. And I explained to them then, I'm like, you know, people have bad days sometimes. We're still gonna tip our waiter anyway, because we don't know why he's having a bad day. My philosophy around tipping waiters, um, people don't always agree with it, but I chip tip every waiter the same amount every single time. I always tip$100, every time, no matter what. Um, good or bad, because what I believe in is a chain reaction. Even if that waiter, let's say that waiter's having a bad day and you know they weren't able to service me, or they maybe had too many tables or whatever, it doesn't matter. If I give them that$100 for a tip, now their mood completely changes. Because for one, most people don't ever get a tip that big, um, especially like around our hometown or anything, you know, especially some regular, you know, restaurant, they get a hundred dollar tip, their mood is completely changed. Now, from that point forward, every person they wait on for the rest of that day, even maybe the rest of that week, are gonna get the greatest service they ever got. Um, and now we created a chain reaction where they've created happy moments for other families, and other families get to go home feeling good versus that waiter's now been upset for the whole day, and she's making this dad mad and that mom mad. She's already had a long day at work, you know, everybody's upset. But now we've created a chain reaction to make everyone feel good. Um, so it's not even just about me at the moment. And again, I used to work fast food. That's why I think every kid should just work fast food for a moment, just to understand working so much and making so little, um, just to understand, you know, their perspective. Um, because even my sons, they're not gonna want for anything for the most part, but I'm still gonna make them work fast food at least a year or so for you to go there working all day and making nothing. You're making 200 bucks, you know, like, but I want them to experience that. So um, you know, that's my philosophy with tipping. I always tip because I want to, you know, create a better moment for other people that may come into contact with this person. It might change their day. They may have gotten something wrong with their car and they're already making two, three dollars an hour, you know, and nobody's tipping today. And so who wouldn't just naturally be upset? You know, um, these are humans we're talking about, and so people never give the benefit of the doubt anymore. Everybody's always upset, or even when I talk about road rage, for example, to go off. When I talk about people getting so upset about road rage, for example, like somebody cuts you off, you're just immediately angry, or somebody speeding by, you're immediately angry. Why don't we immediately give the benefit of the doubt? It's like we always get angry when this happens. What if this person's on the way to go to their dying mom, or this is their last day they could be late for work, or you know, like these things happen. There's times you needed to speed or cut somebody off to go do something. But it's like we programmed our minds to immediately just think they're up to no good or think they're, you know, upset. So now when people are trying to get over, I'll let people over. Or if I see somebody speeding, I get over, let them go by. I don't know what it is that they're doing.

SPEAKER_02 28:51

Like I do that too. I can't I just I don't know. People are so angry nowadays. Yeah, it's like, why are you gonna there's like so many more real problems? Yeah, and you'd be like cussing somebody out on the way to work.

SPEAKER_00 29:01

And they can't even hear you, they can't even hear you. So weird people go through things in in life, and that's what sometimes we forget to be empathetic or you know, just understand that people go through things. People are speeding down the road for a myriad of reasons.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Also, the downside is nowadays, if you get in a road rage with somebody, I mean there's so many instances of people getting shot or putting a weapon on somebody. It's crazy. I have a story when I was younger, this guy that used to fight everybody and get in fights, and you know, years and years had passed. Uh but I saw an article come out and he had got out of the car with a baseball bat, he got in a road rage incident with somebody, and the other guy shot him. But again, like trying to go attack the guy with a bat, the guy just happened to have a handgun and he shoots him. And so it's crazy. And then another story was in our corporate office, the the craziest thing. So the there was two people fighting on the road, and we didn't know this at the time. We hit there was cameras by the neighbor, there's a bunch of houses around our office, and two people fighting in road rage, they get out, the camera shows them both like arguing each other, you know, screw you, screw you, screw you, and one person pulls out a gun, shoots at the other person, hits our janitor at midnight in the leg. Wow. Just randomly, and it's all over a road rage that they were fighting off the freeway, they pulled off, hit some innocent person. But like you have to be, you have to be extremely it just it doesn't make any sense like in the heat of the moment. I know people get mad, but it's like the worst thing you can do. Like I tell my I tell people that I'll tell you, like, dude, like why who who cares?

SPEAKER_00 30:31

Yeah, that quick reaction, it will ruin your life. Yes, and again, who cares? Like, what what does it matter?

SPEAKER_02 30:36

Nobody will even know because it's only you and the other person in the other car. Nobody knows if they just go and you're not mad and you go about your day, like nobody like it. It's like who cares?

SPEAKER_00 30:45

I I rarely blow my horn. Like, I don't either, like even people cut me off or somebody's back. I only blow my horn if I have to.

SPEAKER_02 30:51

If you're trying to, hey, watch out your medication or something. You don't want, don't hit me.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Like, yeah, other than that, I will I mean people just laying on the horn. I'm like, dude, like get a life. Like, why are you for what? Like, I don't understand it, but people have this idea of you know always trying to tell somebody what to do or to be the big, the big dog, you know, for the moment. So I mean, I don't get it, but uh people live like that. And so usually, like when I'm you know talking to people or sharing on podcasts, whatever like that, I always share that because people start to think whenever I say, Why are you so mad at people, you know, cutting you off? Or you don't know what is happening in their life. I've seen that's a good end.

SPEAKER_02 31:25

That's I mean, that's a good, that's a good point for sure.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

Yeah, and so people's like when I say that they're like.

SPEAKER_02 31:29

You look at it that way, you're like, Well, yeah, maybe you know.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

Like, oh yeah, well, maybe they are speeding for a reason. Like their wife could be in labor, their mom could be dying. Like this, this could be their last day of being late for work, you know, like if they get fired, like this things happen. They were they woke up too late. Their son's gotta be to school, they're gonna miss their dance recital for their daughter. Like, things happen. Like, just be cool. I mean, I think people just could hear that. It helps.

SPEAKER_02 31:51

What do you think the difference or or when you're teaching the kids? How do you teach them the difference between you know being really confident, like you're teaching them, and then also just being arrogant?

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Great question. So, reference back to the restaurant video we just did. We did the restaurant video, and you know, I was teaching the this to the kid, you know, after the guy brought his wrong food out, you have to be able to speak up for yourself. So there was a twist in it a little bit where he got a bit arrogant when I told him it was time to ask for a manager. So when he asked for the manager, he had like this little, like this little arrogant attitude. He's like, I want to speak to a manager. I was like, okay, yeah, that's what we're not gonna do. So there is a level here, you know, where we can say nicely, hey, I would like to speak to a manager confidently versus I want to speak to your manager, like that's not what we're gonna do. Even if somebody else is giving us attitude, whatever, we as men keep our bearing. We don't get you know overzealous or whatever like that. We're not getting overconfident. No, you're gonna do you can be confident, but we're not gonna do the attitude thing. That's what we're not gonna do. And so that's what happens when people find out things or learn things for the first time. It's I want to show that I can do it, or I got I want to show I got a little power or whatever like that. Yeah, and they they're having to learn, you know, in those moments or with people like me teaching them, like, no, we can't be arrogant, but we can be confident. So that's all in just in who's teaching, and um, somebody's there to understand what's happening and to show them the difference. Um, because sometimes just kids just don't know better. We have to teach them um the difference between arrogance and confidence, because I can definitely know who I am, but I want people to discover who I am too. Like, yes, I know what I bring to the table, whatever like that, and yeah, I know what I can do, but I also want people to discover that because people, you know, in my hometown or whatever, you know, like anytime somebody's like, hey, how do we introduce you? Just say my name. I'm I'm cool with that. And they're like, Oh, you're, you know, you're you know, you could say more things. I'm like, I'm but I'm cool though. Like, I want people to discover me here. Like, if I'm coming to speak, I want them to hear me speak, like, oh, this is a good speech. Who is this guy? I want you to discover who I am, versus laying all these accolades out of all the things that I've done. That's cool, but I want people to discover who I am, you know, um, just through my action and through, you know, seeing me. So people, you know, I've given to, you know, in my hometown who may not have known who I was or whatever, like that. They found out who I was after I've done you know something nice or you know, have helped somebody. So this lady, you know, got on Facebook one time and was like, you know, this guy helped me out, and somebody was like, Oh, it's him. And then she went to see who I was. She's like, Oh, he does wow. But she met me through just a nice interaction, like just me being a good person uh to people. I always tell people at least once a day, find a reason to make somebody smile. And I think it'll help your day, it'll help somebody else's day. And if everybody did that, I think we'd be in a better place. And that's how I operate every day.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

Yeah, and your your job as a man or anybody's job as a man is not to get heated and not to overreact, right? And be calm. That's your job. Like, you know, everybody else might be freaking out and you need to be calm. And then also to get what you want, especially when you're teaching your kids, like the worst way to do it is to be super arrogant, correct, get crazy, try to argue with somebody. Like that's the last thing when somebody doesn't want to help you when you do that. Yeah, exactly. If you come across just intelligent and address the problem, like every people are way more willing to help you.

SPEAKER_00 34:57

They are, and then even in the comments, people are just like, well, sometimes people are scared to say, you know, um things because they don't want to buy spit in their food. Or I said, but it's all about how you present it. Exactly. You don't have to be mean.

SPEAKER_02 35:07

Nobody's gonna spit in their food if they're super nice. Like it's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

And if somebody is gonna spit in your food, they're just gonna spit in your food. You won't know it, sucks this up. You know, it is what it is. That's that's what trusting going to a restaurant does for you. I mean, it is what it is. You don't actually know.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

I don't think they do it unless they're acting arrogant and cocky and of course being super rude. Then it's like, oh, I'm gonna do something to this.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

If I'm like, hey, uh excuse me, I'm like, uh, this isn't without order, you know.

SPEAKER_02 35:27

Uh can I I think they just uh you know brought out the wrong order for me. They're like, oh yeah, yeah. They're not trying to spit in your food.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

No, they're not trying to spit in your food. So again, it's it's it's just a just understanding that on your own, the difference between confidence and arrogance.

SPEAKER_02 35:40

So yeah. Hey everyone, real quick, I just want to let you know this podcast is 100% independent. No ads, no sponsors, just real. If you're finding value in whatever we're doing here, the biggest help that you can give us is hitting subscribe and sharing this with someone who you think needs to hear it or someone that it will provide value to. That's how we continue to grow. And if you did that, I would really appreciate it. What are what do you think some warning signs are for parents that their child has low confidence or you know, maybe they just have low self-esteem?

SPEAKER_00 36:15

I think that's a I don't because in my opinion, I'm like, well, you should just kind of know your kid. Yeah, you know, but again, a lot of people don't get a chance to spend a lot of time with their kids. So I what I would recommend people do to discover if their child has confidence or not is ask them to do things. Um, ask them to talk to people, ask them to make their own doctor's appointment, whatever. See, see where they're falling at, see what your child doesn't know, um what they're not confident in. That's the only way you can truly discover, you know, whether a child's confident or not. Because I've you know had these conversations with my own son, you know, hey, you should do this, you should say this, you should say that. Only way I know if it's working is if I see him do it. So put him in the situation. Yeah, so he participates in these exercises too. And, you know, he does pretty well, but then I also see where he may fall a little bit. Okay, cool, and I need to work on that. This is the same thing with practicing baseball, like we do or whatever like that, or watching the games. For me and him, I tell him, the games aren't about what we're doing right now. Right now, all this age for right now is we're learning what we need to work on. So we can do all this practice, right? But what if I didn't practice, you know, making sure um the hop don't bounce, you know, whatever when the ball hits the ground, we'll just make sure it doesn't bounce. But if I didn't watch him in the game to know that he missed uh a hop, he let the ball go over his head, then I wouldn't have known to practice it. So if we never went to a game, I would have never known we need to practice that. So put your child in those situations to understand what you need to work on because we could be working on ground balls all day, but if we haven't worked on those one hops or whatever like that, then he's never gonna get it in the game. So if we want them to work on something in the game, like parents get so mad about their kids missing the ball or doing this or doing that, it's just showing what they need to work on. So if he's missed this three times, okay, cool, this is what we need to work on in practice. Got it. And this is what we go and do. And so this is how I discover where is confidence. Confidence is built through reps. So he may not have been confident to get that one hop because we didn't practice at it. So if we practice at these scenarios, then they'll get confident in those different things that you want to see them do. That's how you discover confidence and even their self-esteem. The self-esteem piece will come from the confidence. Um, they'll start believing in themselves because I can do something. I can go make my own appointment. I can go do these things.

SPEAKER_02 38:14

Yeah, proof to yourself that you can do it.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

Yeah, even your self-worth as an athlete or you know, lifting or whatever like that, it only comes when you're doing it. It only comes when you, oh, I finally can lift this 225 pounds, you know, off the I wouldn't I wouldn't I was able to do it, but now I can. And as a matter of fact, now I'm confident that I can do it. Instead of being scared to go to the bench, I go to the bench with no problem and just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, with no issue. But your first time going to lift 225, you're just like, oh shoot, ah, uh, you know, but takes practice. Everything takes practice. So to discover your child's, you know, self-worth, you know, or their self-esteem in themselves or their own confidence, put them in situations where they have to discover it on their own, and you can discover it too.

SPEAKER_02 38:53

Yeah, I think adult and children learn by doing. I mean, that's that's the best way to learn anything in life. And then again, after you do that, over time, you get a bunch of confidence, and then you're like, Absolutely, I can do this, no problem. So, what are some habits that parents should instill in their home maybe like before their child goes to junior high or something, maybe 10, 11 years old.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

Um, I always say incorporate a piece of earning everything. Um, when I say that, I mean, Dad, can I get a bag of chips? Give me 30. Give me 30 push-ups. I do that. I do that same stuff. Or or or um, like when they want something bigger, like my kids, I don't know how they become sneaker heads. Bless their heart. I don't know where they found it, whether they like shoes. Yeah, yeah. Um, so they like and they like the Travis Scott shoes, by the way. So these are like not any cheap shoes. So I'm I'm like, okay, this is what we're gonna do. You have I have this board at home where they can earn stars for the different things that they want. They got 25 stars to earn this pair of shoes, but the stars only come from practice. You have to go train. If you're not training, you're you don't get any stars, you don't get any shoes. You earn everything you do. So like they're at practice, and I'm like, okay, it's not only just practice, because what I first discovered was when you practice, you get a star. So when he goes to practice, he just go practice. Like he's not giving his all or whatever, he's just practicing.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

How do you measure it?

SPEAKER_00 40:09

So now I'm like, okay, cool. Now you gotta put out at practice. We're not just doing no any old practice. You need to perform, like, you need to do your best, and that's when we'll earn a star. If you didn't do your best, then we're not earning a star for that. So I make them earn every single thing that they they want, you know, every single thing. And I also reward them handsomely for the things that they do right um because we want to keep incentivizing them doing the right thing. I don't care if they're going to school getting straight A's and that's what they should be doing. Reward them, please. Like make sure if they got 100 on their test, cook them a cool meal or something. They want to be rewarded. It's kind of like a parent who goes to work and doesn't get paid on Friday. Then you're not gonna want to work anymore. So let's make sure we're rewarding the kids, you know, for the good things and not just punishing them for the bad. We have to make sure we reward them for doing the right thing. It has to be cool to do the right thing. So I tell parents, you know, that you have to incorporate something um like routines and habits. Make it a routine to always, you know, uh give to them or uh make good consequences for them doing the right thing. That's that's a big number one thing, is create those habits. And then just things you do every single day, all the time, that don't change. Um, again, routines build habits, habits build character, character makes the man. So my sons have the same routine every single morning. You will get up, you will go brush your teeth, you will go put on your clothes, you will go wash your face. It's the same thing. It has a little list they have to go check off every single morning. Do it, do that, and they're forever for the rest of their lives. They're gonna wake up, they're gonna brush their teeth, they're gonna wash their face, they're gonna go put their clothes on, and they're gonna do it in a timely manner. Yeah, and another thing pimp parents don't realize, time your kids with everything. I learned this in the Marines, and not just that, but time them because this creates a sense of urgency for them to complete things in a timely fashion. Not, not on your time, not on a, you know, I'm gonna do it when I can. Time them. Okay, you got 15 minutes to get ready. Boom, boom, boom. So they're like, okay, boom, let me get ready, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, just let me do it all. Let me do it all really quickly. Um, so that way I can get finished before the 15 minutes. But then I also then critique them on quality. Okay, we're moving fast, but this part of your face isn't, you know, washed really good. So now they're like, okay, now let me make sure I got quality control and time control. So not only are we doing things, we're gonna do it right and do it quickly. Um, and this creates a sense of urgency. So it's never moving slow, making sure you get places on time, or even for my son, he'll, for example, coach says practice is at five. K2, what time do we need to be at practice? Four. Yeah, we need to be there an hour early because we and then what time are we gonna leave after everybody else does? Simple stuff because we're gonna understand we're gonna outwork everybody. So I always ask the question every time we go train the baseball field: who's out here? Nobody, where are they at? Not practicing. Good work because this is why we're good. We're good because we're out here practicing when nobody else is here. This is gonna become routine for if he wants to be a doctor or a pilot or whatever. You have to perform. You're going to be trying to do your best. And if somebody is better than you, that's fine. But we're not just gonna allow that to happen either. Um, we want to make sure we have um um standard. Um, even just another point. Uh, my son was playing the mound for his you know travel ball team, and um, he has third basemans very good. Um, they're third baseman, he's awesome. Um, my son's great too. However, he started becoming too reliant on the third baseman coming to get the balls because he's just like, okay, he's gonna come get it, whatever. And I'm like, hey, um, sir, that's not what we're gonna do. We're not gonna allow anybody to do our job because if we let somebody do our job, then we're showing that we're not needed. So I'm not gonna go to Burger King, let anybody flip burgers better than me. I'm not gonna go, you know, here I'm nobody's gonna do my job better than me. And so we had that conversation. So now, you know, after I had that conversation, he understood, oh, I didn't know. He's he's because he's just clapping for it, you know. Okay, he's making the play. He just wants the play to be made. I'm like, yeah, we do want to win. We don't do want our team to be, you know, effective, but we also want to do our job for our team too. We don't just want anybody to come do our job because if they do, we're easy to get replaced. And then after you know, you're not on the team anymore. Um You want to perform and do your job, you know, the best that you're supposed to do. You're not going to let anybody come in your area and get your balls. Your balls are your balls. And we're going to sprint and fall out to get the ball if we need to, but we're going to show effort. And so his last game, he showed like max effort, you know, for everything that he was doing, coming in clutch, doing the stuff he was supposed to do. And but this comes after simple conversations. And sports, you know, will teach so many different lessons that you I wouldn't just normally get on a regular day because people will see our videos and they're like, oh, he's what if he he don't want to go to the MLB? We're not even training for that. We're not even that's not even a conversation. Our conversation It's everything else. It's it's everything else other than baseball. Work hard, don't let nobody do your job. Do your best. Show up when you're supposed to. Show up during when people when we need it. You know, those different conversations. So, you know, people will see it and think it's just about baseball. They're like, Oh, he's not gonna play past middle school, he's not gonna like it. Dude loves baseball. This is his favorite thing to do, but it's also there's hardship, and everything isn't meant to be fun. Don't just allow your children to just only have fun, present them with hardship on purpose, and you'll create a great child.

SPEAKER_02 45:04

Yeah, that's that's really true. And I think people have a hard time doing that. I really like the tracking system because I do all that stuff with my son, but I don't have something that he could look at each day and like physically like see like, did I check this off? Like, I don't do that. I mean, I'm so I'm pretty diligent, but I don't, and I think that's a good idea. I'm gonna implement.

SPEAKER_00 45:24

Get this. Uh it's called the Skylight calendar. Okay. Yeah, it's a called Skylight. Uh, maybe they'll give us a yeah, give us a I haven't heard of it like that. Yeah, but it's called Skylight. I have an app on my phone that I can control it from, and basically uh it's like a big giant tablet on a wall, and they can go, you know, check off the things that they do every day. And it restarts every day on its own and they can earn stars. You can put, like, for example, um, my son um put the shoes up there. I put the shoes up there and they have the 25 stars. And they have to click the star every day when they finish practice or whatever to get their you know shoes. And when it finally says, you know, stars reach, it'll send a notification to my phone and I'll get okay. Now I can order your shoes because you've earned your stars. Um, I can I can add things to there, I can put to-do lists on there. So every morning they wake up, I might add something to it. They're like, okay, well, I gotta do that too, you know, and they gotta check it off uh every morning. Have to go read it every morning to get up and go to the the the thing and check it off every single morning, all the things they have to do.

SPEAKER_02 46:13

I'm gonna implement that because we I I do most of that stuff. I just don't have something that he can physically like I'll send it to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a cool little thing, yeah. Yeah, we do, you know, we work on communication a lot because again, I I felt like I lacked that growing up, and I do think it's one of the most important things that you can have. And same thing, if he says um or ah or like or he repeats himself, he's doing 10 push-ups and like so like we're we're like constantly, you know, enforcing stuff to like make him remember. But I do like I I like the tracking thing. I'm gonna especially for some of the stuff, because we now we're working on so many things at one time. Because before when he was, you know, five years old, four years old, it's very basic stuff, right? Right. But now I mean he's pretty much mastered, you know, not saying those words, not repeating himself, still repeats himself a little bit, but he's improving each week on stuff. Right. And it's probably hard for him to like keep track of all this stuff because I was like, now we're gonna learn about this business and this real estate and all this other stuff. So it'd be cool to make sure he has like we're tracking everything and he can see it too.

SPEAKER_00 47:11

Track data, yeah. It's the same thing in business, right? Data on your child to see what they're doing. What have we progressed in? Is he reading better?

SPEAKER_02 47:18

Like you can't be around, you know, 24 hours a day, right? Like every once in a while, I'm not there when he leaves, or whatever the case may be. Right. And so I can't follow up each day. So that's a good that's a cool thing. I'm gonna do that.

SPEAKER_01 47:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:29

How do you how do you teach shop children or just young kids, young adults to want to solve problems instead of like getting crazy, overreacting, getting emotional uh when things go wrong or panicking? Like what's the but what's the best way to help them you know realize that they need to solve the problem and have a problem-solving mindset as opposed to getting panicking, overreaction, maybe not saying nothing.

SPEAKER_00 47:53

Um create hardship again. Um, the reason I say create hardship all the time, and this is essentially what they do in like military boot camp or whatever, the environment is so chaotic for a reason because you end up getting used to the chaos. So, like when we first started boot camp, I mean, obviously you're flustered, like people yelling, all this I mean, what's going on? Like, but after like two months, the yelling and stuff is just like eh, whatever, blah blah blah blah blah. So, and it's like I'm so calm with things because I've been in a controlled environment where there is chaos. So I tell you know, parents too, you have to create hardship for them because people panic and and these different things when they've been presented with something they've never been presented with before, and when they've been presented with hardship that they've never been presented with before, and so they don't know what to do, or just throwing a kid, you're throwing somebody who can't swim in a pool. The first thought to do is panic. Like I'm fighting the water, whatever. Versus listen, if you get into some water, the last thing you want to do is panic. Even if you're gonna die, you're gonna die faster if you panic, because you're gonna fight the water, you're gonna lose, you're gonna need more oxygen faster, whatever. So if I get in the water and stay calm, I could I have more time to think versus if I'm in there like flailing around and going crazy, I'm gonna need oxygen faster. So, what the biggest thing I can do is stay calm. So I teach people give hardship to your children. They need the hardship in order to not panic, to not get violent, to not, you know, do all these things. They need the hardship. Um, you give them the hardship and they'll understand that life is going to happen. Life happens, you're not gonna get what you want, things are gonna make you upset. And while you're a child, because they can't react a certain way right now because they're a kid, they begin to understand I'm not an adult, so I can't react a certain way. Because adults obviously they can fight you, they can hurt you, they can throw things, whatever. A kid necessarily can't do certain things because they know they're gonna upset their parents. So if I create hardship now, while you can't do anything, you're used to it. So when you become an adult, I understand that I can't do anything because I'm mad right now. I can't just throw anything because I knew if I threw something or slammed my door too hard, somebody's gonna come knock my head off, you know, whatever. Somebody's gonna come give me a spanking, like you're gonna get a whooping. Like, or your mom's gonna come curse you out, like, dude, did you just slam my door? You know, like you can't you can't do that because you got a consequence or whatever. And so when you've lived an entire life where you never gave consequences for anything, never any hardship, you always gave kids what they wanted. You are just waiting for the first thing to happen to them, and now they're talking about they're depressed and they're going through trauma and all these things and all this stuff that you hear people saying nowadays. People swear they're depressed. And I'm like, well, what's going on?

SPEAKER_02 50:28

I mean, well, you know, ultra-small problem anymore.

SPEAKER_00 50:32

And I'm like, you're depressed because of that, you know. But this is because they didn't go through any true hardship growing up. I mean, like, people going through real problems are still having a smile on their face. Like, I mean, I got parents, got six kids, two, three jobs, and smile on their face every single day. Person with no kids, bills paid, whatever, just walking around talking, they went through trauma and they're depressed, and their mom made them wash dishes at three o'clock in the morning. And my mom cursed at me a few times growing up, and I'm just going through it. And I told people before, you know, now it's popular to be going through something. Now it's popular to be depressed and popular to have all these ailments that we are self-diagnosing ourselves with via social media or TikTok. You you might be depressed if you're showing these signs, and you might be have gone through trauma if you're showing these all this TikTok, you know, stuff or Instagram, and people are internalizing it, and now they really believe that they're incapable of being happy. They really believe that they're incapable of like doing something to the point now where they've made themselves believe that everything in their life is somebody else's fault. Like, I I can't do these things because it's this person's fault or the government's fault. Yeah, they're a victim, you know, and they can never become successful because somebody's the reason that I'm not, or my mom did something, or I'm going through trauma, or I'm depressed, or whatever. And now we subscribe to all these ideals of people who haven't even gone through anything truly in their lives. Um, so you have to create hardship, you know, for your children. It's absolutely imperative. And the best way to create hardship is through sport. Put your child in the sport and prefer and and I like baseball and I like you know boxing or some type of martial art. Yeah, those are the greatest hardship sports because baseball is the sport of failure. The greatest, you know, hitters only hitting 30%. You know, the greatest hitters of all time only hitting 30%. You know, so that that means you're only hitting three out of 10 balls. You know, that's terrible, that's that's low for anything. But that success in baseball, so you're gonna miss ground balls. It's repetitive things you gotta do all the time. I mean, boxing, you're gonna get punched in the face, literally. So my son's boxing, you know, he had his first sparring match, and dude was like, he's flustered. He started crying, he just holy like, oh my God, I'm getting punched in the face or whatever. And all his training went out the window. Like he lost his mind. He didn't know what was going on. He's getting punched in the face. So second sparring match, now he's starting to, he's crying still, but now he's under listen. Now we listen because now you've done it already. So now think about your training. Move your head. You've been training for two or three years, literally. You have more skills than this kid. We only let him spar that kid because he was older than him, but he didn't have more skill than my son. So he was older than my son, bigger than my son, but he had just started. My son is skilled, you know, on the pads or whatever, doing just killing it or whatever. He's speed. But now that he's been punched in the face for the first time, he's like, oh my God, like this is crazy. But after his second sparring match, now he's throwing punches back. He's moving his head. He's like, Oh, I can take this kid. Yeah, I'm I've been training. Yeah, you do what we taught you to do. So now you go out there, now he's landing shots, you know, he's landing uppercuts, he's moving his head, you know, he's punching him in the stomach, he's he's killing it or whatever. But hardship, create the hardship. But if I would have never given him that, let's say he gets in a little fight at school, now he's gonna get beat up or something because he's never been punched in the face before. You know, he ain't grown up in the hood or anything. So he got he got to learn to get punched in the face. You gotta learn that people can hit you back. You gotta learn to speak up for yourself. You gotta learn to open your mouth. So um create hardship. You have to. It's important. If you don't create hardship for your child, whether they like you or not, you're gonna create a uh a terrible child. Um, because I'm not interested in just being his friend. I always tell my son, this is my favorite thing to say, you'll understand later in the buy and buy. You'll understand later. You'll no need for you to understand it now. When you turn 21, 22, you'll think about all these lessons that dad is taught. I did. I did.

SPEAKER_02 54:08

I mean, I I did too. Like it's a good idea.

SPEAKER_00 54:10

I appreciate it. Yeah, yep.

SPEAKER_02 54:11

What about mentors? What should mentors provide, or what can mentors provide sometimes that maybe parents can't?

SPEAKER_00 54:18

A different perspective. Um we've lost the village concept when it comes to parenting. Um everybody thinks that they know everything to know about their child. This is the biggest mistake that I think people make now. Um, is not allowing other people to help raise your child. Um, my grandma, my grandfather, uh he passed away last year, but my grandfather, um, my uncles, whatever. They're all allowed to pick up my son. My son's baseball coach, uh, their his boxing coach, whatever. They're all allowed to give them wisdom. I purposely, you know, wasn't going to my son's boxing training for a reason. Coach Dino is like 56, you know, older guy, he's been training, he's been through things. I let him teach however he wants to teach. I let him yell or not yell or do, I let him do what he does. Do your job. Coach Murray, his his baseball coach, let do what you do. Treat him like you treat my son because I also can understand spirits too. So I'm not gonna have my kids around somebody. I just Of course. Yeah, so if I trust them, so pick them up from school. Like sometimes he'll pick my son up from school and his baseball coach and go train him and have fun. Do what you need to do. Because I understand Coach Murray's also got a different perspective from mine. You know, I don't know everything there is to know about raising a kid. So I let other people teach. You know, if I believe they're a good person, I believe they're a good man, I let them teach. Um, you have to allow people to help you with your children. Um, I understand there's this new notion of I can do it all by myself and I raised you all on my own. I don't want to say that. I don't want to say it at all. I don't want to say I'm your dad and I I raised you all alone. No, I don't. The coach helped you, your grandma helped you, your dad helped you, I helped you. Everybody helped. You know, we we have a village concept that I believe in, and I want us to get back to that because mentors can provide something that we parents can't. He may listen to Coach Dino about something that I may not have been able to teach him. He may listen to something, you know, from Coach Murray that I may not have been able to teach him. In the reverse, sometimes when Coach Murray is teaching him something, Coach Murray needs dad to reinforce it. Because sometimes he'll say, Well, there's only some things that dad can give him.

SPEAKER_01 56:20

A lot of times. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:22

And so, and so Coach Murray will say, Okay, listen, this is what we worked on, but I need you to do X, Y, Z. So I'll let Coach Murray do the teaching and then I'll do the reinforcing sometime. Versus sometimes I'll need to teach something, and Coach Murray will need to do the reinforcing, and vice versa, with the boxing coach or my grandma or his grandmother or whatever. We'll all tag team with the kids, and that's how we create a well-rounded child. Because I grew up, the whole neighborhood were parents. You know, my my the guy across the street, Mr. Silas, he drove trucks, Mr. David down the street, he taught us how to lay bricks. Uh, Deacon uh Bogan that lived behind us, he helped discipline us, taught us how to cut grass. My stepdad, he helped us, you know, grow our own food. We had animals, all these different things. But the whole neighborhood, like all the boys in the neighborhood, we all had relationships with all those men. And I learned something from all of those men, you know, and that's what I believe in. Like mentors give something that we can't always give because I don't know everything. And once we can finally just admit I don't know everything there is to know about raising my child, even though I've been doing it for seven years, I don't know everything. That's a that's a baby amount of time compared to Coach Dino's grown kids. He's had three seven-year-olds, you know. Like these people have many children. I only have one seven-year-old, I don't have the experience yet. So people know things.

SPEAKER_02 57:34

Not even that, all those different people have different skills in life. Yes. And so that you can't know it possibly know everything, right? I can't know everything. Same thing in the business world is definitely true, is if you think you know everything, um, that's gonna be one of the biggest problems. You're like, you're learning from all these different people and people that have done certain things a certain way. And you're like, man, I never thought about it that way before. I've been, you know, I've been doing it this way, and it's been wrong the whole time. I thought, and so that's the same thing. And I actually realized that whole mentor, how important that was too when I did a free live event for teens and young adults. So it was like 14 to through 21. Sure. And again, the stuff I was saying wasn't necessarily like some crazy concept that their parent never told them. I'm sure her parents were teaching them the exact same thing the whole time.

SPEAKER_03 58:15

Right.

SPEAKER_02 58:16

And I just said it in a different way, put it in a different perspective, uh, you know, ran the event a certain way. And then after all the parents' DM me is like, I've been telling them that for three years. And he said, After the event, though, is the first time where he, it's almost like, oh, it's like reinforcing it. And now he wants to change.

SPEAKER_00 58:34

Right.

SPEAKER_02 58:35

It was coming from me, but even though they've been telling the same thing, because I think a lot of times too, you're around your kids so much that they're like, oh, it's just dad, you know, telling me, but like you hear it from two or three other people, and you're like, oh well, maybe that's true. Maybe it is maybe it is the maybe it is the right thing to do.

SPEAKER_00 58:49

And I and I also people will, this is an interesting thing to say, but I think it's important. I think people need to spend time away from their children too to also create mystique. Like, for example, me with my with my sons, um, I spend a lot of time with them, but I also go away for like a week, you know. Um, and and sometimes like um, because they're my oldest two sons, their mom and I are divorced, but I'm glad that I send them away for a week or so and I don't speak to, I don't bother them, I don't call them. They are at the school or whatever, I don't even mess with them because now I got what's daddy doing? And where's daddy at? Daddy, what do you do? Like, what do you do for work? Because I remember one time, you know, the kids on the baseball team were were uh asking, we talk to each other about what do your dad do. And my son was like, I don't know what my dad does for work, you know, he's like, but now it's because he's coming to ask me questions, like, so dad, what do you do? I'm like, well, daddy saves the world, you know, like daddy's doing, I create mystique with my son for a reason because it also helps him to continue listening to me and also continues to make me cool because I'm not with you every single day, every hour, all the time, getting on your nerves or whatever. I create mystique with him because he's just like, my dad's cool. He thinks I'm the coolest person in the world because I'm also not so often just around every single second or bothering him every single moment. Sure, if something happens or whatever like that, if he's with his mom, then yeah, I'm gonna go.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:02

Micromanaging every single thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:03

I don't I don't bother him. Even how I used to be as a baseball dad. I used to, every play, come on, no, do this, move, move your feet, do not anymore. I create mystique then because now he keeps looking at me every time he makes a play or doesn't make a play, he's just like, why aren't you saying anything? Like, what why are you just sitting there looking? But now he's coming to ask questions and now he feels a little bit more confident on the field too, because I'm not micromanaging every single thing you're doing. And I think to answer your question, the one of the things that people do, um, well, the biggest mistake that people parents make uh when it comes to discipline is inconsistency. If there's gonna be a consequence for something, that consequence has to remain. There isn't a change has to be reinforced. Yeah, there isn't a change. There isn't a me asking you to do it four or five times before I said or you're bending a little bit just because that day.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:48

I've learned that I can't I can't do that.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:50

You feel bad sometimes, but you're like, nope. Your child knows who's gonna show up. Yep, your child knows who's gonna show up, it can break you down, and they will break you down, and so you have to be consistent with that discipline all the time. I hear, you know, parents like, well, I have to keep saying stuff over and over again. Yell because he's trying to figure out which one of you is gonna show up today. Like one day he'll hear you yell like extra hard. He's like, okay, maybe I should go do this today.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:09

Or you give in. If I do this enough, I know they're gonna end up giving in.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:13

Kids are very smart, yeah. And so the inconsistency is where we'll miss with our kids, and that's where moms fail the most because they're like, he only listens to you, or he only he never listens to me. I'm like, well, it's usually because you don't give a consequence when you as soon as you say something. If I say clean up your room and he doesn't get up immediately, then you'll go say it again, hey, didn't I just ask you to clean up your room? Yeah, okay. Leave again. Hey, clean up your room. Okay, you know, versus, hey, you didn't clean your room? Okay, cool. Consequence immediately. Every single time. And you never have to yell anymore. You don't have to scream anymore. Because now when I say something, consequence, every single time. They know if you don't get up immediately, there is consequence every single time. No matter what. You didn't take the trash out, consequence. You didn't go sweep, consequence. Like every single time. This is what causes them to listen to you immediately. Yeah, when you are inconsistent, that's where you mess up with the discipline. Because we could discipline all day, but if we're having to discipline the same things over and over again, then this becomes a problem for the parent because they keep uh you keep on doing the same old stuff. Well, parent, let's see what you are doing as keep that's caused them to continue doing that because that's a problem for you now, not a problem for that kid or whatever. If you've gave the spanking for the same reason for three times in a row, you're doing something wrong. You need to figure out where you're being inconsistent as a parent.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:24

Yeah, I know when I'm really consistent on something, I mean, literally in about I mean, two weeks max before they they're like, okay, they know you're serious. Yep. It doesn't take long. Don't take long at all. It's not, it, it's not a really, it's not months. It's like if you do the same thing all the time and they know what to expect, he's gonna end up doing exactly what you told him to do. And you're not gonna have to yell at him. No, people ask me all the time, like, how do you what do you do when you discipline your kid? I was like, I really thinking about it? I don't I don't really have to. No, it's like it and also if if so if he does something wrong, we work on each week on how not to do that thing again wrong. Like, I'm like, hey, we need to improve on some things, right? Something's happening. And so I try to improve on all that stuff, and then I don't really ever have to go back and yell at him because he's like, oh, I have the skills to not do that anymore.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:07

Yep, and I and me, like even for spankins, I do one spanking a year for each of them. Um, because every once a year, um especially when you're a disciplined parent, once a year they're gonna do something, like just the one thing to test you, to cross the line. And I tell my son in in life, I say, son, there are things that you're gonna do in life, and they're gonna always be behind this line, and I can always discipline it. But then there's a line that you cross where violence appears, and this is what happens, and so you get a spanking. I don't like, you know, one to two, one to two legs tops. So you for you to understand that I am capable of violence, that bad things can happen when you cross that line. And so as time goes by, you know, like I this year it's 2026, hadn't did the whipping yet, you know. I'm sure it's gonna happen. They're gonna cross that line eventually because it's been a while. They're like, oh snap, but they know when I come out with the belt thing, they're like, oh snap, I've done something. Because I don't incessantly whoop them. See, if you incessantly spank all the time, it becomes a regular thing. It's not a holy, oh, oh snap moment.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:05

Like, it must have been like made me really pay attention. You're spanking all the time. That's kind of what happened to me growing up. Like they did it, but not like crazy all the time. But I'm like, oh, like I knew something.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:15

If the bill came out to you like, oh boy, I've done something, and now you know that that thing that you did, I probably should never do again. Yes because it's gonna cause that to go berserk. You know, it's gonna cause that to go to go crazy.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:27

What advice would you give to single mothers that are raising kids alone? Because I I know that's super I I mean, I know it has to be super hard. And I'm I'm friends with a bunch of them that either work closely with us or just friends of ours in general. What's the best advice to give to them when they're I mean, I know, especially if they have all boys, I mean, it's gotta be so tough. It's hard with two parents.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:47

Yeah. Um, my best advice for single mothers um who are raising kids alone is to stop. Stop raising them alone. Um, there are a myriad of programs wherever you are. Sports programs, um basketball programs, football, men at the school, men at the church. Put some other people in their lives because what I've discovered is a lot of single moms, it's not that they are just doing it alone and they don't have any help. They don't want the help. They like saying, I'm a single, because this is what happens on socials now. It's like I'm a single mom doing it all on my own. And it's to a point now, I want to do it so much on my own that I'm not gonna let anybody help, so I can continue saying that I'm doing it on my own, versus putting this kid in a sports program or putting them in this or that. And they're like, Well, I don't got the money for football. Your money, your hair's dead in it, your hair's done, you you you got something done for yourself. Put them in football, put them in basketball. But any type of sport, it don't gotta be like those regular sports, put them in something. Martial arts program. I always say fighting of some sort, boxing, especially, especially if it's just stop doing it alone. Stop. Like it's it you're not gonna get a trophy for it or anything. Stop it. You're gonna ruin your kid. There's somebody somewhere that does want to help, even if it's one person, but get somebody. In their lives that isn't just you, and you'll see them fare fare better, uh, more than you think. Please put somebody in their lives. So if you're doing it alone, my answer is stop.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:08

Good advice. Can you share a story of maybe one of your students or somebody that you work with that came in that had, you know, really bad behavioral problems and then maybe turned his life around? Just maybe one example.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:20

As a matter of fact, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do one of my kids, um, Alonzo, Alonzo Mulberry. Alonzo came to the program. I always knew he was smart, but he was just one of them kids, you know, just doing stuff. Um, he wasn't like terribly like bad or anything like that. He just was doing stuff, like hanging with the wrong crowds or whatever, like that. Just hot mess. And um he came to my summer program, had him. This is when my summer program was at my grandma's house. My grandma got this nice size house, and we had like all the kids sleeping on air mattresses or whatever on the floor. But anyway, he came, had a great time in the after-school program, um, in a summer program. Then I didn't hear from Alonzo maybe for about a year or so. And um I Alonzo came to me with a I can't remember if it was Wendy's or whatever. He came to my after-school building, he walked there with in the after school to the after school building to come talk to me. And I said, What was what's going on, man? What's up? He was like, Yeah, I'm working at Wendy's now, man. And because I got a kid on the way, you know, and stuff like that. I'm just really trying to, you know, all the stuff you taught, you know, I really appreciate it, whatever. Fast forward, Alonzo's going to the Marine Corps. Um, Alonzo is with his family. Um, he's taking care of himself, and he attributes that to this, the things that we taught in the program. One of my other uh students named Sean. Uh Sean has a speech and a hearing impairment. Um, so he doesn't speak well at all. He can't hear well at all. He has to wear a hearing aid or whatever. But um I introduced him to uh auto repair. Uh Sean's now a diesel mechanic, you know, and he works uh for Ford, um, like working on cars and different things. And they work with him, obviously, with his speech and hearing impairment, um, but he knows what he's doing. Um, and that's what matters because he doesn't really have to speak much. Somebody will speak for him as long as he knows what he's doing on the car. But I introduced that to him and he now has a job, you know. Um, one of my other kids, uh Darnell, Darnell came to me, one of them, you know, rough around the neck kids and um rough around the edges, and uh he came and stayed at my house for the during COVID um because parents were asking me to still do stuff even during COVID. So I told my kids had to come live at my house because I didn't know what was going on. I couldn't have them going back and forth, but they came to live at my house. I put some bunk beds in my living room and I had like six kids come live with me. But Darnell, one of those kids, always having to discipline him, always having to get on to him all the time. Text me the other day, he's a combat photographer now in the army, like killing it, you know, doing a great job, has got his life together, and he was text. I get all these texts from the kids, you know. I got another kid in the Navy.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:35

They don't realize that right away, and then later on they're like, man, you know what?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:38

Montarius sent me a little less than Montarius sent me a long text message as one of my students, he's in Japan right now. I want to read it actually. Um, but uh Montarius is in Japan and he sent me his, I'll never forget, you know, I got this run club in my hometown right now, and um, I was doing the stop signs because we run in the road, and I was doing a stop sign duty that day, and he sent me a picture of him um uh with his Navy uniform. This was at five o'clock in the morning, and because we run at 515. So I was out there on stop sign duty. He said, Good morning, King. I just want to take a moment to thank you. Starting from June 21, 2021, I had the opportunity to attend your summer camp, and it truly changed my life. He hooked me when I was lost, taught me things I didn't know, and pushed me to build myself into a better person. Today marks one year since I joined the Navy. I'm currently stationed in Japan, and I honestly feel like I wouldn't be in a position I'm in now without your guidance and example. I just want to thank you for being there for me in ways that my father couldn't. You stepped in during times when I really needed guidance and support. I'm truly uh thankful for everything you poured into me, and I just wanted to give you your props. You've had a major impact on my life, and I always appreciate that. Um, and that was everything. Like I'm just in the middle of the morning, like helping, you know, some people, and he just sent a random text out of nowhere, you know, with a picture of him in his uniform. And that meant a lot because again, if the program never got started, a lot of these kids would have fallen by the wayside. But for me to give them the guidance that I did, and some of them life has to punch them in the face. Like I could tell them everything till I'm blue in the face, but sometimes life had to smack them for them to hear. But some of them, like like Monterius, life didn't have to smack him. He made the decisions as as I told him about them. You know, I'm like, hey, you should do this, you should do that, you should stop doing this. And he did it immediately because he respected me. Some of them, like, eh, whatever, boom, life hits you. Okay, maybe you're right.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:11

You know, so it's it's different for it does, especially as a young man, you kind of still think you know everything. But if you instill like all the stuff that you're teaching and all the right values, they're gonna make the right decision ultimately. And it might take something bad, but they really will like, you know what? Yep, like I know what the right values are, I know how to act right, I know what I'm supposed to be doing in life and how I'm supposed to be a man. Absolutely. Yeah. What do you think? How do you think how social media do you think is you know changing the kids' outlook on life? Or or do you think it's a positive thing or a negative thing?

SPEAKER_00 1:10:45

I think more positive than anything, only because like we discussed earlier, the kids can discover that they can make things happen. Um, they can do things. Um versus before, if you weren't if you didn't know anybody or if you never went outside your hometown, you never saw cool things. You never saw cool cars or whatever. You never knew That's how I look at it. You never knew these things existed. And so now these kids understand that they can tackle life. However, the con to that is parents not monitoring, you know, what's happening because social media is built in a way where it's it's it's wanting you to keep looking at the screen. Um, and so even though they are seeing cooler things and seeing that you know life has more to offer, they're also looking at the negative things that life has to offer. And because it looks cooler to do some of those negative things, nobody's made being cool, being right, you know, cool. Um the the wrong things look cool. And so now they're you know shifting toward wanting to do those wrong things to get some of those other positive things that life does um offer, um, but they're going about it in a negative route. Um, and so that's what I believe, you know, the con is to that. But I do think social media in in this day and age is actually positive for the kids. We just have to become a bigger influence on those kids than social media. So, like for my students or my kids, I'm not worried about whether it's in on social media because I'm with them every day. I'm with them every day. I'm spending time with them, I'm becoming a bigger influence on them than social media because I'm with them all the time. I spend time with them. So now look at what you want on social media. Or for some kids, I never let them play Grand Theft Auto. I, my personal, my own sons, sure, why not? Have fun because I understand what I've done with my own children. I know that that would never influence them in a way where they would want to go shoot or kill somebody or whatever like that, because these are sons that I raise and that I've you know put knowledge, you know, into that I've helped build their character. I understand it. So it's it's all in um and knowing who your kid is and and understanding what you're dealing with.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:39

Yeah, I would agree with that. I think it's way more positive than negative, but you have a lot of like you know, you see headlines and chatter and all this stuff. It's like, well, it's it's destroying our youth. It's like, well, is it or are you letting social media raise your kid?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:53

Yeah, you're letting social media become a big thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:55

If he if you have instilled no values, you don't ever discipline him, nothing's going on, and he's raised by that or she's raised by that, yep, yeah, you're probably gonna have some issues, but that would happen probably without social media anyways. It will. But they're blaming it. Because it was it was happening. Yeah, they're they're they're kind of blaming it on that. And I agree with you. Like if I would have had access to all that information when I was a kid, I would have made a lot less mistakes, I would have got to where I was trying to go a lot faster. I would have realized, man, there's like this big opportunity outside of my small town. Right. And so I do think it's good, you know. There's again, uh anything that gets that popular, you're always gonna have some negative about it. But I agree, I agree with you too. If you instill the right values in someone, no matter what situation they get put in or what they see, they're gonna know right from wrong. They're gonna know uh the things you've been teaching them their whole life. Right. So again, I think it's like what you said earlier. Um confidence is, you know, instilled by doing something, right? Right, right. And then the more you do that, and the more confident they're gonna become if they do get put in a weirder situation or a bad situation, they're like, no, I'm I'm not gonna do that. Right. Of course. Like they have the confidence not to do it. Right. Yeah, I I don't I don't think it's bad. People tell me all that too, all the time. It's like, my, you know, social media is so bad. And I was like, I don't, I don't, I just don't I don't see it. And then you build your algorithm. The internet and everything.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:12

You build your algorithm. I tell people that too. You build your own algorithm. If you're on there seeing dubochery all day, it's because that's what you're thinking about. They have these, you know, uh apps so uh extensive as far as like checking for who you are. Um, they'll tell you everything you like. Just go on your explore page right now and look at what you see. It tells you everything you like to look at. Your explore page is what you like to look at because it's it's showing you, you know, what you look at all day. So for mine, you'll see like WWE wrestlers on there, haircutting videos, drumming videos, because I used to play the drums or I used to cut hair. So sometimes I still watch some of the hair, the barbers or whatever, or some of the things that I like to do. I'll see some other nonprofits. That's what I look at all the time. But I also know that if I get on there and I see some, like I see one or two too many girls, I'm like, oh, maybe I'm looking at too many girls on social media or something like that. So I always go click not interested because I'm like, that's not what I want to see, but it's also letting me know that maybe I've gazed a little too long at something or whatever like that, and now it's putting it on my algorithm. And I'm like, no, that's not what I want to see. I want to see something else. Um, so you can build your algorithm to.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:09

I know mine's if you put them on mine's uh boxing cards, cards and business. Yeah, I like the S car.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:16

Like I'm always into that stuff, but that's exactly what your algorithm will show you. So social media isn't bad for me, it's it's bad for you because what you're looking at on there, or just the incessant, you know, politicizing of everything. You know, a lot of people on social media now, it's because they crave so much drama and negativity as far as politics or whatever. That's you're so angry all day, you're so mad, or this person's doing that. This person, and most times, social media is not giving you the full context of anything. Um, whatever, whatever side you're on, Democrat, Republican, you like the president, you hate him, regardless, you're not ever getting the full context of something. Neither side is there to give you full context, they're there to make you continue liking their side. So these people like, oh, well, this the Republicans did this, oh, the Democrats did that. You're never getting the full context unless you go and research it truly for yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:00

And it's actually been that way forever before social media because the news was the same way depending on what you're watching.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:04

Whatever, if you're watching Fox or you watch a CNN or if you're gonna get two different perspectives about the same thing happening.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:09

And actually, social media proved that that was even worse, where then it's like they can say whatever, and there's not really held accountable on a social media. They'll be like, oh, they said this. Yeah, they fact-checked it.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:19

Fact-check. So, um, you know, me, I always tell people like people could bring me stuff or politicize stuff. I'm like, dude, I don't even know the full context of that. You know, just stop showing me headline. People live their lives based on headlines now and believe things based on headlines. You have not done any true research on what you're talking about, you just want to be right. And so now I'm just only gonna look at things that further prove my own theory. Back up, yeah. Yeah, and I'm cool with that. You know, I don't do that. I I purposely follow different people that I might agree with or follow different news stations or whatever, because I want to see all the perspectives. Like, what is everybody talking about? And that way I can form my own opinion when I go research things on my own. And usually when you go research things on your own, neither side was telling the truth. The Democrats or the Republicans were not telling the truth about this specific thing that was happening. If you go research it on your own, you discover what's actually going on versus what CNN wants you to know versus what Fox News wants you to know. You get on there and look for yourself, but people are too lazy to do that. They just rather believe something.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:12

Yeah. If you had to give parents a three-step formula for raising confident and capable children, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:20

Um routine, uh, hardship and consistency. I like it. I would agree with that too. Yeah, routine, hardship, consistency. Um, and consistency at the end, because I need you to be consistent with your routines and the giving of hardship. Hardship is a gift, pain is a gift. Um, we have to understand that. Once we get to a point of understanding that giving them some sort of pain and some sort of heart some sort of hardship is actually helping them, we move further because they're able to deal with the things of life. You're actually strengthening them when they're having to deal with hardship. Um, you're strengthening them when they have you know routines that they have every single day, have to do the same thing over and over again. You're strengthening them, and we're consistent with it. Not only are you building strength, you're building permanent strength with them that they'll never lose. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:05

Yeah. The reason I'm asking questions like that is because I get a lot of those DMs from parents asking me certain questions, like, well, what do you do? Because they see me doing stuff with my son, right? It's like, what should I do? So what's one thing parents could do? Because I think they get overwhelmed. It's like, where do I start? You know, my kids acting out, I don't know what to do. What's one thing they could like start this week that would help them start building a more confident, stronger kid? Just one thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:26

Uh build a routine. Um, start your routine this week. Um, this week, like, you know what? This is what we're gonna do. You're gonna make your bed at this time in the morning, you're gonna go wash your face, you're gonna go back to the body. No matter what, don't get and no matter what, it's the same routine every single day, no matter how boring it is. Once you start that, you'll you'll begin to be able to uh discipline them in other areas because now they become disciplined in one. Um so let's start with being consistent. Build a routine right now. It's the first thing you do. You're like, you know what? This week, son, this is what we're doing every single day, no matter what. When you get home from school, at four o'clock, you're gonna do this, at five o'clock, you're gonna do that. We're gonna shut the lights off and the TV off at 8:30 or 9 o'clock, and you're going to sleep. That's it. We're not watching TV to go to sleep, we're not doing anything, go to bed, you know, and that's it. We're shutting everything off. The lights will be out. No, you're not coming to sleep in my room. No, we're not doing the whole boogeyman thing. You have to say no, just let it go, you know, and build a routine like that and watch how great your children become.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:17

Yeah, I would agree with that. And the the advice on starting with one thing, I think, is the is the main thing, especially if you you're like, well, you know, he's doing this, he's doing that. Just start on one. Yep. And then each week, when you master that, it's like, let's build something else. Yeah, it's kind of what I did with my kid when he was young. Uh, you know, you have to start something simple, and then once you once he masters that, or you can tell he's like improving a ton, you can start introducing like little things and little things. Right. Hey everyone, real quick, I just want to let you know this podcast is 100% independent. No ads, no sponsors, just real. If you're finding value in whatever we're doing here, the biggest help that you can give us is hitting subscribe and sharing this with someone who you think needs to hear it or someone that it will provide value to. That's how we continue to grow. And if you did that, I would really appreciate it. So we talked about a bunch of different stuff today. Is there one thing that maybe that we didn't cover completely that you could think of that would help parents or help single mothers or help people that are grandparents, whoever's just trying to raise raise kids and make them confident to be successful in life, put them on the right path?

SPEAKER_00 1:20:26

I think we we hit pretty pretty good points um in regard to that. Because I mean most of the answers are gonna be like kind of redundant when it comes to yeah, say just it's it's because because it's so basic, people always think you when when I say what people ask, how can I display discipline my child better or whatever, they're looking for like this super fantastic first answer. Yeah, and I'm like, no, just just start doing basic stuff and doing it all the time. Um, I think that's the best way we can raise our kids, and of course, you know, um introducing them to new things um and making um doing the right thing cool. Um, you have to do that. Reward them, reward your children for doing the right thing. Well, he's supposed to wash the dishes. Yeah, but just do something, like make it good advice where he wants to do it. Like, and I say necessarily saying he wants to wash dishes, don't get me wrong. I'm saying like reward him for that. Like, I mean, yeah, he might wash dishes every day this week. Okay, but reward him with hey son and tell him it's for washing the dishes. Like, don't just say, well, you just had a good week. No, you wash the dishes every day this week with no problem. Let's go out to eat tonight, you know, like or let's go do something cool, let's go buy your favorite video game. You know what's gonna happen next week? He probably start liking washing the dishes, you know, like because I might get something and and let them look forward to getting something because every first or the 15th or on Fridays, what are you looking forward to? Your check. You want to get paid. So let them have something to look forward to. Like, let's kill the whole thing, they're supposed to do this thing. Sure, but you're supposed to go to work or you're supposed to be doing something, but you want to get paid. You're supposed to be paid for that. So let's not just punish them for doing the bad things, let's reward them for doing the good things.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:56

Okay, sweet, man. Thank you for coming on. I think it was a ton of great advice. And uh again, I really love what you're doing. I think I think you're I think the program uh would benefit society if we were able to do this across the country. I appreciate it. So yeah, appreciate it. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for having me.