ADHD Masterclass: The Truth About Dopamine, RSD, and High Performance

ADHD is one of the most misunderstood conditions in the world and this episode breaks it down in a way that finally makes sense.

In this master class, behavioral coach Jheri South explains what ADHD really is, what is happening in the brain, why so many people go undiagnosed for years, and how ADHD can become a major strength when it is understood correctly. This conversation goes far beyond the usual surface-level advice and dives into dopamine, emotional regulation, rejection sensitive dysphoria, medication, lifestyle changes, school systems, nutrition, trauma, and the five drivers that activate the ADHD brain.

Jheri also shares her personal journey of being diagnosed later in life while raising seven neurodivergent children, giving this episode both professional depth and real-world credibility. If you have ADHD, think you might have it, or want to better understand a child, partner, or friend, this episode is packed with practical insight that can genuinely shift how you see the condition.

In this episode, you’ll learn what ADHD really is, why it is often missed in women and adults, how RSD affects relationships and self-esteem, why school can feel so hard for ADHD minds, how dopamine drives behavior, what treatments and lifestyle changes can help, and how to stop seeing ADHD as a flaw and start using it as an advantage.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So ADHD is one of the most talked about and misunderstood conditions in the world today. I feel like every high performer has some version of it. And so it'll be good to break it down. But today I just wanted the goal to be almost a masterclass on ADHD. That way, by the end, anyone listening can understand what it is, what causes it, and how you can thrive if you have it. So you have dedicated your career to ADHD. So introduce yourself and tell us the story of what got you into it.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Yeah, you bet. Okay. So, well, I'm Jerry South and super excited to be here, by the way. Thank you for having me. Uh I uh I have ADHD and I was diagnosed later in life. So I was almost 40 when I was diagnosed, and I have seven neurodivergent children. And uh there's a lot to my story. So I going back, I my kids, we didn't know that we were a neurodivergent family. And my kids were having some struggles, you know. Um, ADHD, there's a high comorbidity rate, meaning if you have ADHD, the likelihood that you'll have a second condition is 60%. So it's actually more likely that you will be struggling with something else in addition to ADHD. Anxiety, depression, anxiety, autism, um, depression, OCD, exactly. And OCD does run in my family. So my I my kids were starting to struggle. You know, I have seven of them, and as they were becoming teenagers, it's like, oh, what is what is this? You know, some things, some symptoms were emerging. And so I was trying to get them help, uh taking them to doctors, psychiatrists, therapists. Um, anyway, my my son had he was suicidal, and he got to the point where he was attempting suicide and he ended up in a behavioral health facility. Well, while this is happening, I'm a coach. I'm a behavioral coach, and I'm primarily working with women. I was a single mother of six children for a long period of time. And I wanted to help women because that was one of the most difficult periods of my life. And I'm loving what I'm doing. I'm just gonna do this forever. Well, at the same time, the women that I'm working with, they're asking me, will you please do a class for teens? Because they loved what coaching was doing for them. And I was like, no way, I am not working with teens. My son hates me. That sounds terrible. Uh, but finally I did this pilot program. It was an in-person, four-week program. I had about 10 to 15 teens, and it was the first thing that helped my son. And I couldn't believe how much it helped him because he honestly didn't like me very much at the time. Uh, but I could hear him coaching his friends through his bedroom door what he was learning. And as this is all going on, my sister also is being, she's looking for help for this binge eating disorder that she has. And it she gets diagnosed with ADHD. And we're all kind of shocked because obviously we don't know that much about ADHD. We're still stuck in the stigma of it's hyperactive boys, right? Who can't sit still. In fact, I don't know if you know this, it's really interesting, but like years ago, because the DSM is constantly, you know, uh changing and being updated, we're on DSM five now. But back in the day, they didn't even believe that girls could have ADHD. That's how much we've learned. So she gets diagnosed with ADHD. And now my entire family starts getting diagnosed with ADHD myself. And then that's when I realized my kids have ADHD and some of them also have autism. And it just changed my life. So I'm already a coach. I'm not thinking, oh, I'm gonna learn about this and become an ADHD coach. I am just trying to help my children who are struggling. So I start seeking out some of the top specialists in the United States, and one of them was Dr. William Dotson. I actually took a camera crew to his house for four hours. I just interviewed him. I asked him, because some of the clients I have now that I'm working with teens, they have ADHD. I mean, they are struggling because their self-confidence um is damaged, uh, they feel broken, their parents are frustrated with them, they're having behaviors at school. And so I'm asking all of these questions, but I'm really just trying to save my family. And uh I learned so much from him. He was the first one who ever started writing on RSD or rejection sensitive dysphoria that we could could get into later. But uh, I just went down this rabbit hole, and that's what ADHDers are good at. They hyper focus on something and they will master it. And so that's really how I got into specializing in this because there's so much misinformation out there. 93% of psychiatrists today don't know how to properly treat ADHD, according to Dr. Dodson. And so I started having a lot of success with my clients and parents saying, I've learned more from you in 20 minutes than I have for my last five doctors. And it's just because I was working directly with the doctors and the specialists who had the right information.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

For someone listening who may not fully understand ADHD, what's actually happening in the brain, or how can you describe it for people that don't know what it is?

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Okay, so this is my non-scientific way to describe it. But first of all, just from a scientific level, I mean, it's like there's this molecule, it's we'll say it's at the top of the brain. And when you have ADHD, your brain's just burning through that much too quickly. So this is why, for example, some choose to take stimulant medication because there's four molecules in stimulant medication. Three of them do nothing for ADHD, but one of them will mirror that molecule that we're burning through so quickly, and it stabilizes the brain so that we're less impulsive. We can sit and focus and pay attention. Uh, and so that's what's happening in the ADHD brain is we're just burning through it so quickly. So we don't have as much control over our impulsivity or our emotional regulation. Um, and when it comes to executive functioning, it's just more difficult for us to stay focused, uh, pay attention. Uh ADHD brains, it's interesting because they call it a disorder. ADHD is a disorder when it comes to like medical terms, but I don't like that word because what I have found is there's far more gifts with ADHD than there are, you know, debilitating symptoms.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

I see that a lot too. I know a lot of people that are high performers that have, I guess, some version of it. I mean, you call everything ADHD, right? Nowadays. And people even refer to their self like nobody really has ever like diagnosed that. Like they'll just be talking to me. I have some version of ADHD, I'm sure, because you know, I have all these symptoms. Right. But, you know, it does when once you find out something that you like or something that you're good at, it does make you ex like extremely great at that at that thing. And so I think it's a gift. Uh, you know, you gotta figure out how to how to use it correctly. But I do, I think it's it can be a benefit. And I have parents at DME too sometimes, and I'm like, there's nothing wrong with your kid, I promise. He's just not doing good in school. I was like, but once you figure it out and once you can he can focus that, like he's he's gonna kill it in life, I promise. And so like people think that there's something wrong with him.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Well, could we talk about how school is just so I mean, school was not built for the ADHD brain.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

I mean, it's mostly boys, right? They thought only boys had it because they just can't sit there for that long.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Exactly. But you know what else is interesting is only one third of all ADHDers are actually hyperactive. So uh attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a terrible name because two-thirds of all ADHDers, whether it's children or adults, they're not hyperactive. But we call it now, we don't, we really don't use the term ADD anymore. It's it all fits under ADHD because they're either hyperactive or they have hyper arousal. So hyperarousal is it's like internal hyperactivity. You see this a lot with girls. That's why they're not usually properly diagnosed. It could be trouble sleeping, it could be multiple thoughts at one time. The brain is just always going. And so, you know, neurotypical and neurodivergent, the reason you're neurodivergent is just that you don't have the typical brain. If everybody was walking around with an ADHD brain, like like us, then society would be created for that brain. There's nothing wrong with our brain. We just learn differently. So the school system's set up for you to sit still, pay attention, wait to be called on, don't fidget, and then use your working memory to answer questions on a test, all the things that ADHDers struggle with. But ADHDers actually, on average, have a higher IQ than the general public. Uh, they're very creative, they're out-of-the-box thinkers, they can usually find solutions to problems before others. They're very intuitive and the hyper focus. When the ADHD brain can get engaged and stay engaged, if you ask an ADHDer, is there anything you can't accomplish? They'll almost always say no, because if they can get engaged and stay engaged, and that's the issue. In school, they can barely get engaged and they can't stay engaged because the material is boring. They're being asked to sit still. ADHDers, this is why like a Montessori school would be good for ADHD children because they need to be able to get up, walk around, touch things, ask a lot of questions, not be in trouble for interrupting, work in groups because body doubling is a thing for ADHDers. And school really isn't set up that way. It's sit still, stay in your seat, don't talk, and then we're gonna test your IQ by giving you tests. That's just it's just not a great environment. So ADHDers typically sore when they get out of school and they can use their mind to create whatever they want in life.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

How is ADHD actually diagnosed today? Is there a way? Is there a true test, or is it just questions? Is there a brain scan? Well, like how how how do you diagnose it?

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Well, Dr. Amen is really famous for doing brain scans, but like the majority of people are not going to be seeing him or his clinic, right? Uh, and so usually it's just questions. And this is, I mean, this is where I struggle just with my own practice and having clients come in. They're misdiagnosed quite often. Uh, about 50% of the time, my clients come in and they're actually on the spectrum as well, but they either weren't evaluated for that or they were told that they don't have it because there's a lot of overlap, or uh ADHDers will commonly be misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety, and that will be treated and the ADHD is not treated. Where what happens a lot, not always, I mean, you could have anxiety and depression with ADHD, but if you treat the ADHD first, a lot of times the anxiety and depression will go away. But really, most people are just going into a doctor's office, like pediatrician or even a psychiatrist, primary care, and they're being asked a series of questions and then it's being determined yes or no. The problem with that is the DSM five, uh, which is what what we're at right now, is their explain what DSM is. Well, it's just um the criteria that we use, and it's for everything. It's OCD, it's bipolar, it's any condition that's uh it's updated. So, you know, we started with DSM one and then two, three, now we're on five. So that just means we've updated what we know about the disorder, and now we're using different criteria. Um, and even where we're at now, with everything that we know about ADHD, it really focuses primarily on behaviors. And that's a problem because ADHD, especially in women, for example, will many times just be internal, the way they're thinking about things, they're processing information. It's not hyperactive behaviors. So it's missed a lot, it's misdiagnosed in girls, especially. And the other thing that's interesting, the criteria only goes up to age 16. So that means if you're an adult and you go in to be evaluated for ADHD, the questions they're asking you are meant for children instead of adults. And so this is why a lot of times adults will believe that they've grown out of ADHD because they don't match the criteria in the DSM, when in fact, childhood behaviors will just manifest into adult behaviors. So you don't grow out of ADHD, you just learn how to compensate or rewire your brain.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

I think that's what I kind of did my whole life. Again, I don't know if it was ADHD or anxiety or depression or a mix of all like I have no idea, but definitely a bunch of issues. And that's what I did. I'd like figured out things to manage it, and I just that's how I internalized it every single week. I would be like, working out was a big one, kind of got me into working out because I figured out that that could suppress my anxiety pretty well. Um, but just with panic attacks and a bunch of other issues, like I I couldn't get rid of it a hundred percent uh until later in life. You know, I finally found you know some functional medicine doctors and so I was able to do a series of things. Wasn't one single thing that helped, it was almost like three or four things that really didn't make it go away completely, but man, 95% better. I wish I would have known, you know, when I was early on in my life would have saved me years of suffering for sure.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

We just didn't have enough information. And I think we still don't do a very good job of diagnosing or treating, because everything you're saying really uh makes a lot of sense to me. That first of all, um, what a lot of people don't know, because we it's like we know that exercise is good for us. We know that nutrition is important, but it really does um connect here because, like with ADHD, if you do 45 minutes of strenuous exercise, it can do the same, it can have the same benefits in the brain as taking stimulant medication. So you'll see this a lot where you'll have high school athletes that are very active in school, they're working out every day, they're participating in sports. And then when high school's over, they're not really doing that anymore. They've gone on to start their career and they'll feel like their symptoms are now just out of control or I what is going on? Do I have ADHD? They didn't, nobody really recognized how beneficial that exercise was to help calm their brain. And then the other thing with nutrition is we're learning that it's gut health and brain health have a huge effect on ADHD because there's a lot of inflammation. Um, you know, there's there's a lot that goes into uh controlling the brain and keeping it calm.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

My doctor, when he was like, hey, we need to go on this anti-inflammatory diet. And I I was already eating technically in my mind pretty healthy. I'm like, Well, I eat I eat good.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

I was I saw what you ate last night, Sean. I was like, felt a little sorry for you. And then I thought he's smart. He's smarter than I am.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

Well, you know what? You know what I figured out with you know, now having functional medicine clinics and being close to doctors and treating a lot of pay, you know, seeing a lot of patients get treated, everybody's different. Right. And it just because if one thing works for somebody doesn't mean it works for somebody.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

But your audience should know that you don't eat pizza, and that is like, who can give up pizza, right? But uh and and all and all joking aside, that is what's hard because people hear something like that. Like, if that's the answer, you have to give up pizza, they're like, no, thanks.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

Yes, you know, so it's different. It was so it was it was affecting my life so much that I would rather do things that made me feel better than and I would I was willing to just because it it had been for 25 years, you know. I'm I'm like, whatever I can do to make this better, I'm good. I don't care what it is. And so, you know, that again, it wasn't like just the anti-inflammatory diet, but you know, we did have food sensitivity, food allergy, and so like all this stuff that caused inflammation, we just pulled it out. And it was some of the stuff I was eating a lot of, and so it I thought it was bull crap. I'm like thinking in my head, yeah, sure, okay. Um, but the other stuff he said worked that I was doing, so I'm like, I'll try it. I don't, whatever you think. And it really did help a lot. I'm like, can't believe it. Like it, it you know, and I again, I think every single person's different. And so my wife, she took it and barely sensitive anything that causes inflammation, and that's why she can eat everything and not feel like crap. So I think there's it's just there's different people um require different things to make them feel better and to treat whatever the issues are for sure.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

I like that you're talking about it that way though, because I am sensitive to for things to just be kind of thrown out online. So uh, of course, my page is all dedicated to ADHD, so there's a lot of opinions. And so you'll get people that come on and they're really strong with just control your diet, don't go on medication.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

It doesn't work for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

No, it doesn't. And so if you would have asked me maybe even like seven years ago, I probably would have said, do not put your kids on medication. You know, then like I have clients coming into my office and their child's in fourth grade and they've been kicked out of two or three schools already. They have no friends, they're really struggling, and they go on medication, game changer. They're able to regulate their emotions and stay calm. And then the, of course, you have others that really can control it a lot better with diet. But it is important to highlight there are parents out there who have tried taking their kids off of dairy, go gluten-free, no sugar, and it's not making any difference. And so, to your point, it everybody's different, and treatment for everybody is different. Sometimes treatment is medication, sometimes treatment is more like what I do, behavioral coaching. It it's different for everyone.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

And probably a combination of everything, you know? Yes, like you diet, definitely number one, that's the easiest thing you can fix. And then number two, three, four, and five, you like go down all these other paths to try to improve it. But again, yeah, I think everybody's different. Is there like what role does dopamine play in ADHD?

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Huge.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

Huge. I mean, we're we are operating off of lower dopamine levels already. So we really are dopamine chasers. Uh those with ADHD who go untreated, whatever treatment looks like, uh three to four times more likely to be addiction uh addicted to substances. Uh, I see that a lot in my office, uh, especially teenagers. They become very quickly addicted to nicotine, to smoking weed, to alcohol, or worse. And the other thing is we're more prone to accidents as well, just kind of a side note. And so this is why treatment is so uh important, because our brain is scattered and we're looking. Boredom is the most overwhelming, heavy emotion for an ADHDer. They're not just bored, have nothing to do. Teenagers who are bored feel like my life has no meaning. You know, they'll say things that we don't want our kids to say, like, oh, I'm gonna, you know, hurt myself or something, just because they don't have enough going on in their lives. So this is why, you know, ADHDers are huge risk takers. This is why they make great entrepreneurs. But as teenagers who are just going to school every day and doing homework, it becomes very monotonous. We want to understand that as parents and help our kids, because if we're like just suck it up, just be tough. It's cool. It like their brain needs dopamine. It is searching for dopamine.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

I've met so many like just um crazy successful people that when they were out of high school, big time in drugs, um, you know, went down that path. But you see them now, they somehow, you know, were able to get clean, or whether it was herself or help, or however they were able to do it. Now in their you know, high 30s, 40s, they are like just destroying life. Like, I mean, and and I know, I mean, probably 20 or 30, just so that I could count in the back of my on the back of my head right now. It's just because I think it's like everyone tries to self-medigate because they don't know there's anything wrong with them. So they're like, oh, I've drink alcohol, I can kind of feel a little bit better and I'm not so crazy in my mind. And I think that that's how they go down that path. And then it's like with everything else, it's like all or nothing, right? All or nothing, very addictive personality. Yeah. So when they figure out that like that's not the path and it ruined their life, and if they can get out of it, then they end up becoming really, really successful. I've known so many of them that that's that was the path. And I think that that's why they got into drugs and alcohol because they're trying to like technically self-medicate. Yeah. And they probably don't know why.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Exactly. They don't know why. They don't know because ADHDers, I've never met someone with ADHD that I've worked with, whether they're eight or eighty, that doesn't struggle with self-esteem and self-confidence. Because by age 10, uh, most ADHDers have heard over 20,000 corrective messages. Why can't you do that? Your sister can do that. Why can't you sit still? Why didn't you finish this? And it really, they start, you know, they're smart. They're comparing themselves constantly. How come that's so easy for them and not for me? Or why can't I just do this? They don't understand their brain. And really, most adults don't understand ADHD brains either. They don't understand what gets an ADHD brain engaged. I'll see this a lot where uh uh maybe a uh a child is the ADHDs don't usually do very well in math. It's not all ADHD is a spectrum, but typically they don't do great math. So maybe they're struggling in math, they're getting D's, they're not getting their homework done almost ever. And then something happens. There's a big exam coming up, and if they don't pass this exam, they're gonna fail out, have to take this class again next year. So something kicks in. It's actually urgency. It's one of these five things that engages the ADHD brain. And it hyperfocuses, they study, and the next day they take the exam and they get a B. And then parents and teachers say, See, you're capable, you can do it. You're just being lazy. You're not applying yourself. And nobody's understanding why their brain engaged. And they'll even ask them, How come you can't do this all the time? And they'll say, I don't know. And they're usually in trouble. So instead of rewarding the child for getting a B, everybody's frustrated with them because, see, you're capable, you're just not applying yourself. When in reality, that teenager has no idea why their brain was able to sit and study like that when they can't ever do it on the regular basis. Parents don't understand, teachers don't understand, they don't understand. It just breaks them down even more because they don't understand themselves. How come sometimes I'm On fire, and other times I cannot get my brain to work.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

But society, if you, you know, the last 50 years, if you don't go to school and you don't get good grades, you're a loser and a failure. Technically, like that's that's how they treat it. That's how their parents look at it, that's how the teachers look at it. If they can't do what all these other kids are doing, then they're a failure. And it's like far from the truth of like what'll happen in the real world, but in the first 18 years, it's really bad. And that's like, hey, you're a loser, you're a failure if you don't know.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

I'm anti-grade, just so you know. I don't like it at all. I don't like that we're measuring uh someone's uh how likely they are to be successful based on what grade they're getting in school.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

I know, or memorizing more. Somebody else can memorize more stuff than them. Like, I don't know if that matters. It it definitely doesn't matter when you get out in the real world, everyone.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

What does explain executive um function? What does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Well, so executive functioning skills is just uh the way that we're managing ourselves. So being on time, being organized, being able to keep up with uh daily responsibilities and duties. And so ADHDers, especially when they start to get into junior high and high school, will really start to struggle more. In fact, right around the time that puberty hits and school is advancing, this is when ADHDers uh maybe they weren't having problems as a kid. Parents weren't even considering getting them evaluated for anything, and now they're going, What is wrong with my child? It's because now they're being expected to keep track of all of their classes and be organized and pay attention to due dates, and there's so much going on. So executive functioning is all of those things, uh staying on top of getting things done, following through, all of it. And the executive function age uh until the brain is developed, you know, around 24 or 25, until that point, uh, Dr. Barclay teaches that they're about three years behind a neurotypical person. So that means if you have a 12-year-old that uh you're thinking you should be able to do this, and I shouldn't have to remind you, they're really about an age nine. Uh we were talking about this earlier that parents are kind of shooting all over the place, like you should be able to do this, and I shouldn't have to remind you, those kinds of things. But the expectations are unrealistic. So it doesn't have anything to do with their IQ. They could be very smart, but their executive function age, their ability to control their emotions, their impulsivity, stay on top of tasks, not be reminded, take responsibility for themselves, they're at least three years behind. And I would argue with boys, it's usually even a little bit more of a gap. And so we want to meet that child where they're at. If we're constantly asking them, why can't you do this? Why are you always late? Why do I always have to remind you? We're really contributing to the damaged self-esteem that they're already experiencing instead of finding ways to build them up, give them supports, give them reminders and meet them where they're at.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

I don't whenever I try to, I guess you call that discipline, right? If they're yelling at their kids, like, well, you know, you need to be on time. I when with my son, I try to work on the skills that will fix it. So I never have to tell him every single day and every, hey, you know what, this is how we're this is how we're gonna fix it. And I try to work on those skills each week, whatever the right issue is, right? And it's it's and he's definitely got some version of ADHD, whatever you would consider. Yeah. No formal diagnosis, but I mean you can just definitely tell. But I that's what we he gets rewarded is on improving on his skills every week. And so it it's been super helpful instead of just saying, like me coming home every day and then like yelling at him because he's not doing something. It's like, well, let me, we're gonna work on the skill and you're gonna get rewarded if you improve on those skills.

SPEAKER_01 25:41

Right.

SPEAKER_00 25:41

So it's been it's been pretty helpful that way.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Well, you're a smart parent, right? One of the problems is that if you have an ADHD child, they probably got it from you, right? They got it from one of their parents. And so you have a lot of uh parents who aren't great at executive functioning skills themselves that are then trying to teach their children. So what that means is you have um emotional dysregulation is just as much of an impairment as the distractability side of ADHD. So you have a lot of parents that are dysregulated themselves. So they are trying to be patient and then they lose their patience and they're yelling at their kids or they're frustrated and they're running late too. And so it can be a little bit extra chaos in that situation where uh maybe a parent can't figure out how to help their child because they've never been able to really help themselves.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

About the parenting and the genetics, is genetic play a big role? Is that where most people like what are the causes? What how do people get it? How do you know, is there things that make it worse?

SPEAKER_01 26:40

Um absolutely. So it is genetic, and some will argue that it's not. It absolutely is. Uh, could can things make it worse? Sure. I mean, I think vaccines personally, I think it can make it worse. Trauma definitely makes ADHD worse. So if you have gone through trauma, the symptoms will be magnified.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

That was one of my questions, yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

In fact, I have adults that come to me that say, I knew I had, I probably had ADHD when I was younger. Like I was never diagnosed because they might be my age, you know, I'm I'm almost 50. And so it's like back then, and people weren't running out getting an ADHD diagnosis, but they can look back and recognize, like, I'm sure I had it. I struggled in school this way and then that way. Uh, but it wasn't really that much of an impairment. And then they had a life situation, a life event where maybe like a close friend of theirs passed away or something like that. And then everything just felt like it became uncontrollable. They're struggling at work, they're struggling in their relationships. So it's not that the trauma caused the ADHD. It's just that it made the symptoms so much worse. But if you are an adult with ADHD, there's a 50% likelihood that any one of your children could have ADHD. And if you're a child with ADHD, then you got it from one parent or the other.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

The vaccine thing. Yes. Do vaccines cause ADHD?

SPEAKER_01 28:02

I mean, uh, I think that uh between autism and ADHD, I think uh we know that there's inflammation, there's difficulty processing heavy metals. Most ADHDers uh have a the MTHFR mutated gene. I know I do. Uh my kids do.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Me and my wife do. Yeah. We haven't tested my kid, but I'm like 100% sure he hasn't.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

So I mean, I, you know, I'm not a doctor, but what I have seen and what I've read, there's at least evidence to whether it's turning something on. I don't know that it's causing it completely, but it's definitely contributing because there's inflammation, you know, and I I do think that vaccines are playing a role in in this in neurodivergence, autism and ADHD.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

Yeah, I I told you a story about our son um, you know, at one year old, he was already talking, saying some words, and then we did his one-year-old shots. We were first-time parents, knew nothing about it. You just kind of go off whatever doctor tells you or hospital or whatever, you're like, Oh, okay, I guess that's what you do. Don't even ask how many there are in there. Right. And he got his shots out of really, really high fever for like four days, and then just didn't talk till he was four and a half, and then had displayed, start to display kind of like just odd symptoms. And then as a doctor's like, Well, you might have autism, I was like, I he seemed pretty good before we gave him all the shots. And so it I definitely think you know, we know now just from our own experience, that it like you said, turn something on, something happens, and that's why I think some people are okay and some people are not. Like you said, MTHFR, like that's why vaccines don't affect everybody, but a big portion of the population, it does.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

Well, because autism, exactly. So, like a lot of my kids are on the spectrum, and it looks like um I I'm remarried, their dad and their family, uh, a lot of them are on the spectrum. So, but I can remember my the first child that I had diagnosed with autism, he was the only one, and I didn't know enough about neurodivergence. So he was about eight or nine when we had a formal diagnosis done. And by the way, uh I had the school, different schools test him twice, which don't go to your school to be diagnosed ever, please, because uh I I've never seen a successful situation with any of my clients where they went to the school to be diagnosed. But I was reassured, no, he this should have been my first indicator. He tested top in the district, not just in his class. It's like, yeah, that's actually a sign for autism. You know, he's just like genius level intelligence. But he um he struggled. I remember after he got his vaccines, I remember him in his high chair, just like hitting his head and his stung, his tongue sticking out of his mouth. But I can't say that the vaccine caused autism because his dad had autism, their family had autism, but he started behaving in a way that he wasn't before. So that tells me something's turned on, right? Like it that wouldn't have been turned on before because with autism specifically, there is uh like a toxicity overload that's common for autistic uh clients or patients that they can't reduce the toxic load in their body, all of the aluminum. Uh, in fact, anyone who has autism would benefit from just doing regular um detoxes of their body because they can't process things and they hold on to a lot of toxicity.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

How do you do that? Uh well, like sauna and other like sauna, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

And like um I love pure encapsulation vitamins and they have a really good GI liver detox that we use. And then uh at the biohacking conference that I went to last year, I connected with root brands and I didn't plan to talk about this here, but I will. Uh because people are sending me uh drinks and gums and all kinds of things, patches, and I never promote anything because I personally don't notice the difference. But with root brands, uh, they actually have a patent on it. Um, she's autistic herself and she's uh a doctor who's she worked at Pfizer at one point. She really knows what she's doing. So they created a system that they claim will cure ADHD and autism symptoms. It's all natural. So they have drops that are constantly detoxing your body in a gentle way. There's they have a lot of anecdotal stories where someone wasn't talking in four months after they did the drops, they were talking. And then to go along with it, they have something called zero in capsules. So I used to take ADHD medication just because I would be sitting for 12 hours at a time doing a lot of just, you know, work and um zero in uh puts things back in your body. If you're gonna detox and take things out, you want to put the good stuff back in. So I take both of those. I have my entire family on that system, and I'm really happy with that.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

Yeah, I remember when I this could be a little bit of a coincidence too, and he was probably getting old enough, but I was like, you know what? Me and Gentry both take these and I know he has some version of it. So I started giving him like methylated uh multivitamin stuff when he was a kid, when he like write when he was about four, and then shortly after he started talking. I I'm not gonna say that that's what h did it because he probably would have started talking anyways, but it seemed like it like sped it up really fast. Like he was just doing a lot better in general.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Once I gave him that.

SPEAKER_01 33:07

So that's great.

SPEAKER_00 33:09

Before he they made you feel crazy a little bit, and then now you see all these things coming out about well, vaccines do cause this, and like they're starting to release all the studies, which is super sad because you gotta think about how many they intentionally hid it from us and got gotten got affected by it for so long.

SPEAKER_01 33:24

Well, I think right now they're saying uh one in 16 males has autism now. I mean, that's it's probably higher than that, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 33:31

But that's yeah, that's what's like, I guess, diagnosed, right?

SPEAKER_01 33:34

My kids will joke, they're like, oh, because a lot of them have autism. You think everyone has autism. I'm like, but that's not far off today, just because everybody was vaccinated and not now. You know, now we're wising up to that. But uh autism and ADHD are so much more common than they used to be.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

Why do you think ADHD's missed in the girl girl diagnosis?

SPEAKER_01 33:54

Because I think that as I mentioned before with DSM, most of the evaluation questions focus on hyperactivity. So we do a terrible job at evaluating ADHD because most people aren't hyperactive.

SPEAKER_00 34:06

Uh most girl, most girls definitely most girls for sure.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

So someone who's doing well in school, who's not interrupting, who isn't being uh disruptive at all, uh, nobody's gonna think ADHD, but what's going on on the inside? Uh, it it there are a lot of people, girls and boys, that will work twice as hard for half the reward just to like keep up. There's a lot of masking going on. And girls are better at masking than boys are. So masking is really looking around, figuring out what I think is expected of me, how are people doing things, communicating with each other, and then doing my best to show up that way all the time so that I'm fitting in. So when you have someone who's especially smart that can just kind of keep up in school, or they're really high uh maskers, uh willing to work really, really hard, which is painful. They're they're working twice as hard as the average person just to keep up in school or to even make friends, then everyone thinks, oh yeah, they're just, you know, there's nothing going on here, but internally it's doing so much damage. They're in so much pain because it's hard for them. And it doesn't feel um, it doesn't feel easy or even it doesn't feel like them. And so this is why a lot of ADHDers become habitual people pleasers. They don't learn boundaries, they learn, you know, like, okay, I just want to make you happy, I just want to fit in and also will experience imposter syndrome. I mean, that's one of the main things I work on with ADHD women is imposter syndrome because they've been trying so hard to be the person that everybody wants them to be so that they can feel successful.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

How many, why do so many adults go for so long without realizing they have ADHD?

SPEAKER_01 35:50

Uh well, I think um one of the reasons is that we didn't have correct information. So for example, rejection sensitive dysphoria. Whenever I talk about that, women just come out of the woodwork. I have that. I didn't know what that was. So they have started to believe they're crazy or they have anger management issues, or they're just um maybe it's because of my parents getting divorced, or maybe I'm just really sensitive and they didn't know RSD is part of ADHD. So what that means is uh we were focusing on uh executive functioning skills like focus and follow through. And sometimes RSD is one of the only real debilitating symptoms for ADHD. And RSD or rejection-sensitive dysphoria, it falls under that umbrella of emotional dysregulation. So what it is, is the the extreme intensity and emotional reaction to the idea that you've been rejected. Um and nobody likes to feel rejected, but when you have RSD, it's at an entirely different level. So it can be, it's usually perceived rejection. Uh it's it can be triggered by teasing, by constructive feedback or criticism, the idea, idea that you fail to meet someone's expectations or you failed to meet your own. And so it really causes a lot of damage in personal or romantic relationships, um, in the workplace, because it's unpredictable too. It's like one day you could take teasing or a constructive comment, and the next day their boss or even their loved one might just say something to them. Uh, for example, my daughter, she was she was really good at speech and debate. She would always come and get feedback from me on her papers. One day she came in just like she always had, asked me to read something. I read it and I give her a little bit of feedback. She yanks that paper, forget it. You don't think I'm good at this, slams the door. That's RSD. It's unpredictable. It comes. And what she hears is, you're no good. Go do it again. You know, you're terrible. And that's not what's happening. And this RSD, I mean, anyone who's listening to this, not able to take constructive criticism. But sometimes they are, you know, it's it's feeling rejected. It can be what someone doesn't say. It could be being with a group of women and one person gets a compliment and you don't, and you start spiraling. How come they didn't say anything about me? Do they not like me? Do they want not want me here? Am I ugly? Uh I've had clients, uh, I think I mentioned this before when you and I were talking, but I I can think of one client specifically recently that she has this business and it's awesome. She's doing great. She has all five-star reviews, and she was teaching a course, and somebody who was pretty high maintenance in that class gave her a three and a half star review. She spiraled so hard. She didn't start the next course when it was supposed to start. I'm coaching with her and she's telling me, I think I need to get into a different profession. You she couldn't sleep for two weeks. She's just thinking about this one review. Nobody likes that, but when you have RSD, I mean, I could have been the walking poster child for this when I was in my 20s. It's so painful, it can feel like an internal wound. I felt like I was being clawed from the inside out. And then if you combine that with any type of trauma or abandonment, like my parents were divorced when I was younger. If I had a breakup, oh my godness, it would just take me out. And so it's most women when I'm talking about this, they've never heard of it before. And then they think maybe I do have ADHD, because this is just as big a problem. Two-thirds of all adults say this is the most impairing symptom they deal with with ADHD. It's huge.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

In my 20s, the same thing that those those reviews and like stuff that would happen in my business. I think like the whole business is crumbling down if like one bad thing happened.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

And then I would also, I also never felt like I was doing good enough ever.

SPEAKER_01 39:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

So, like, no matter what I accomplished, no matter what happened, I'm like, I'm not doing good enough. I'm like comparing myself to Elon Musk. I'm like, I'm not, he's doing so much. I really was. I was like, I'm Elon Musk.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

You see how unreasonable that is.

SPEAKER_00 39:53

No, and Steve Jobs, which is like two geniuses, right? And so I'm like, I'm not doing enough. I need to be doing more, I need to be growing my company. It's like every day I woke up and I thought that. So I no matter what I hit or what goal I hit, even if it was one that I wanted to, I still would wake up the next day and be like, I'm not doing enough. Like, there's other people that are beating me. And so I would always feel that way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

So painful though, right?

SPEAKER_00 40:13

I mean, it helped, I guess, but like to like always keep striving for something else, but it was also just like mentally draining.

SPEAKER_01 40:21

But there's ways to do that. And that's what I do in behavioral coaching is some people believe, no, I need to feel this way so that I can get where I need to go. And it's like, no, you don't. You can create motivation without shaming yourself at all.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

Yeah, I'm I I still have the same motivation, but I don't I don't necessarily feel that way every day. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:39

Yeah. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

It doesn't affect it doesn't affect my whole day or it doesn't affect me like that. Cause that's what I said. It would, it almost like I'm like spiraling in my head that I'm not doing enough and I'm like, I can't catch up and like always just overwhelmed or something.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

Right. Weird. RSD is huge. I mean, it's it's uh emotional dysregulation on steroids and it's so painful. It really causes problems. Like a lot of ADHD women are struggling in their marriage because they're so sensitive. Why don't you do this for me? Or why did you say that to me? And it can cause huge arguments. And we, it's it's such a big thing when RSD is triggered that we refer to it as an episode because when you're in the middle of an RSD episode, um, the mistake that parents will make or even a spouse is like, okay, let's sit down and talk about this. What are you upset about? You cannot do that in the middle of an episode. That person needs to go work through it on their own. They're not rational enough. I'll use a scale one through 10, like how overstimulated are you? And if you're over a five, no, we don't, we don't work on the model that I've taught to manage your thoughts. You don't try to work this situation out. You have to get below a five to even be able to have the conversation. So many parents will tell their kids, like, get back here, you don't talk to me that way. You cannot, you cannot work with someone in the middle of an episode. They have to go take care of it on their own, and then you can work through it later. Even an apology is not going to help at that moment. It's just going to trigger more and more because they're hearing, they're not doing it on purpose. It is their wiring, but they're not hearing you. They're not hearing apologies as apologies. All they're experiencing in that moment is rejection.

SPEAKER_00 42:18

I'll have to look at Gentry to listen to this part. She uh, you know, but she she tells me, she's like, I thank you for not picking on me whenever I'm like overstimulated and like just falling off the deep end. She's like, You don't keep going and going and going. I just leave her alone and that's what she needs. Six hours later, next day, she's good.

SPEAKER_01 42:38

Well, we just need time to work through our thoughts because it feels very real. And she gets overwhelmed. She's what I will say is that most ADHDers, once they're kind of coming down from this episode, there's so much shame because they recognize that their reaction was much bigger than the situation warranted. And now some people can hold it in and they're just spiraling inside, but it's still embarrassing to them because they either shut down or they didn't show up with the group or whatever. But a lot of people will actually lash out, yell, scream. Uh, in fact, this isn't as common, but some of my clients will even say they don't even remember what they said in the middle of an episode they just saw red. So there's a lot of shame associated with that because it's the impulsive part of ADHD. They literally feel like they don't have control over themselves when an episode flares.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

Hey everyone, real quick, I just want to let you know this podcast is 100% independent. No ads, no sponsors, just real. If you're finding value in whatever we're doing here, the biggest help that you can give us is hitting subscribe and sharing this with someone who you think needs to hear it or someone that it will provide value to. That's how we continue to grow. And if you did that, I would really appreciate it. So, what about medications? What are some of the some of the common medications? I'm sure people have heard of like Adderall or was specifically supposed supposed to be. Use it at everybody use it for something else. But what are the other medications that are supposed to treat?

SPEAKER_01 44:05

Well, the first line of defense is stimulant medications. And so everything is either Ritalin-based or it's Adderall-based. So more people respond positively to Adderall-based medication than Ritalin. So but back to my earlier example of you're just burning through that molecule in your brain so quickly. That's why we have so many different medications because it's, you know, like everybody responds differently. So they've made a lot of different stimulants. Uh, one of my favorites is a newer medication called Dianavelle. It's dissolvable on your tongue, tastes good. Uh, but if here's the interesting thing about medication, you'll have so many people say, oh, well, what do you take and how much do you take? It's just, it's like that question has no, there's no point to ask that because my 90-pound niece takes three times more medication than I did. It's not based off of your age, your weight, your gender, you know, any of that. It's based off of your absorption rate. So uh some people can only handle 10 milligrams and some people can handle 65. Uh, my daughter was taking 45 milligrams three times a day. Uh, and some people will say, whoa, that's way too much because um uh most doctors won't give you more than 65 or 75, depending on the medication. Uh, the majority of doctors won't do that. What I learned from Dr. Dodson, and he educated me and showed me this, that the FDA came out in 2005 and said, this isn't the max dose. This is just as high as as we've tested. So we had to fight the pharmacy and the insurance to allow her to take that much because less than that wasn't doing much for her. So that's another problem that we encounter is that some people are at their max dose and it's not helping them as much as it could. And doctors are scared to give them more than that. But it's based on absorption rate. So some people burn through that medication in a couple hours, and others are really sensitive to it, and 10 milligrams will last them all day. You also have short acting and long acting. So you have Dianavils in your system for 18 hours, where Adderall, if you do um short acting, you know, like immediate release, it wears off in like four or five hours. So stimulant medication is really the best to treat ADHD. There's a lot out there. Uh, Dr. Dodson's favorite was Vivance. Uh, he would use that. That's what my doctor, my sister was on to treat her binge eating disorder as well. Um, and then when it comes to RSD, if you're working with a specialist, they will know to bring this up. Um, there's two medications that treat RSD that are not stimulants. It's either guanfisine or clonidine. Now, these were meant to be blood pressure medications. Uh, Dr. Dodson says they don't work very well at all for blood pressure, but um they just kind of happened upon recognizing that it it treated RSD. So they're not meant to be taken together. It's one or the other.

SPEAKER_00 46:53

What's the reason that it works for Yeah?

SPEAKER_01 46:55

It's it's it helps to control impulsivity. It reduces the sensitivity of RSD. It also will help many people sleep better and it can reduce the multiple thoughts at one time.

SPEAKER_00 47:07

It just like calms you down a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 47:09

That's right. So you can take it with your stimulant medication. Um you're meant to try one for about a week, and then if you're not noticing any benefits, try the other because about 30 to 35 percent uh of people will respond positively to guanfosine, 30 to 35 will respond to clonidine, and then about 30% of people will not respond to either. But it has a pretty good uh, like a lot of my clients get a lot of benefit from that. Uh, I personally take clonidine, and it's just a small amount too. For me, it's like one and a half pills, is the magic number. The most common side effect is like being tired. So you have to experiment with it and make sure you don't have any side effects. You can go from one milligram to two, and then the most I really ever see anyone on is like three milligrams. So it's very mild. People who are kind of anti-medication, if their child's really struggling, will eventually try guanphacine or clonidine because it's so mild. So that really is the best combination for most ADHDers is a stimulant medication, if they're gonna do medication, and then either guanfiscine or clonidine.

SPEAKER_00 48:09

Is that like the last line of defense? Like so you do diet, you try all these other things you can do naturally, exercise and then and those things take a long time.

SPEAKER_01 48:17

So I I absolutely um uh agree that nutrition and all these things should be looked at. But um, I I'm big into mitochondria and healing mitochondria, but that that can take like 18 months or more. And so if your child's really struggling, they can't sit still, or they don't have a lot of friends, or they're not focusing at school, or they're even having impulsive behaviors and behavioral issues, um, diet for most of my clients is something to be doing long term, but immediately stimulant medication, it's in and out of your system in the same day is probably gonna be uh better treatment in in the short term.

SPEAKER_00 48:53

Outside of the medication, what are the most like powerful lifestyle changes that that you can do to treat any one of these things?

SPEAKER_01 49:01

Yeah, I mean, exercise, sunlight in the morning, right? Even if they're just going on a walk, uh, get your kids involved in a sport, go walking with them in the morning. I mean, um, I know like my mother, um, she started, they had tennis courts in their backyard, but she started just waking up even earlier and playing tennis with my brother every morning. Uh, I go on walks with my daughter, just have to get up a little bit earlier and do that with her just to get them outside in the sun. Um, vitamins, a gentle detox. Uh, and then of course, um, I think what I do is probably the most important thing, which is ADHD behavioral coaching, teaching them about their brain. Uh, we have a very specific acronym to help us remember what are the five things that get the brain engaged. So if you have a child who doesn't understand those things and they're just trying to show up like a neurotypical person, turn their brain on just because something's important, follow through and get things done, they're gonna feel terrible about themselves because that's not how their brain works. So it's really important that we're giving uh adults and children education on their brain so they recognize they're not broken.

SPEAKER_00 50:01

What's the five things?

SPEAKER_01 50:03

Uh so I uh created my own acronym. It's WIRID to help us remember. So it's wants, which would be like anything you're passionate about, anything you really want in life that fulfills you, um, interest, anything you're interested in, rivalry, which is like competition or challenge. You can't do that. Most ADHDers are like, you want to bet. Uh uh emergency, which is also like urgency. So this is why, like if ADHD child has a project due all week, they don't do it, don't do it. And then 10 o'clock the night before, they're like, and actually, I've noticed this in my own. Like, if I have a keynote or something coming up, if I get myself to work on it the week before, I'll still usually revamp everything the night before. And my hyperfocused brain is better at creating that presentation than when I'm not hyper-focused.

SPEAKER_00 50:50

I kind of do that too. Yeah. Like there's certain days I just I I can't prepare for something, or and then certain days like I'm I can like really lock in and figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 50:59

It's the hyperfocus. So this is why procrastination isn't always bad. When I'm working with my clients, I'm helping them create their own owner's manual for their brain because ADHD is a spectrum. We understand it, uh, we know how it works, but each person is different. And so parents get really frustrated with their kids for procrastinating. Sure, we want to teach them good uh habits, but there are times that when I do things in hyperfocus because it's urgent, it's the night before it feels like it's an emergency, I will do a better job. And so you want to know that about your brain. And then the last one is different or novelty. So one of those five things has to be engaged for the ADHD brain to really turn on and get in gear. And if one of those things isn't engaged, then the brain almost doesn't work. You know, when I'm working with younger children, I'll I'll explain to them like if your brain had buttons, your buttons are different than a neurotypical brain. So the school system doesn't in understand this. So they're asking them to like if a child is asked to write on something that they could care less about, they're gonna drag their feet and it's probably gonna be like a D or a C paper. But if the child can write on something that interests them, then they're gonna have an A plus paper. So it's not that they're not smart enough. It's not that they're not applying themselves, it's that they're bored out of their minds. And if we can engage one of those five things, they can go out there and accomplish anything. They can, they could get good grades. I mean, it's amazing what ADHDers can do once they're interested in something or they feel some kind of competition. I mean, they can do twice as much work in the same amount of time, uh, and they can do a really, really good job. But if the adults in their lives don't understand that, they're constantly trying to get their child to do things and operate the way a neurotypical person does, and their brain doesn't work that way.

SPEAKER_00 52:48

Back to the nutrition thing. How do you think ultra-processed food affects someone with ADHD?

SPEAKER_01 52:54

Terrible. Terrible. Yeah. I mean, I think that um uh it contributes to that toxic overload. Uh, I think it's so I mean, it's so bad for their brain and for their gut, it will, in my opinion, really increase symptoms of ADHD.

SPEAKER_00 53:09

Yeah, I think it's I mean, we know now that it's bad for everybody, but it's worse today though than it was when we were younger, even though it's a good idea. I kind of feel like that I remember when I was younger. I mean, that's what made me actually start eating good early on was if I did eat like really processed food or just you know, high sugar food, I would just feel more anxiety or it wouldn't be like right away, it would just be like the next day or later that day or something like that. And so I kind of self-taught myself to just eat semi-healthy, right? And I would just eat less of those foods that made me feel like that.

SPEAKER_01 53:41

It's so hard. Even with my children, I'm always sending them things. Most of my kids are adults now, but I'm constantly sending them information and they can be really lazy about that. And you know, you look at the chemicals that they're allowed to put in foods now and how highly addictive they are, and all not only that, but uh most neurodivergent individuals are lacking new like nutrients and real nutrition too, like that their body isn't getting enough of that. They're deficient. So it really is a big deal. I'm constantly trying to show my family how to eat, you know, foods that were that that are not processed, that we can just take right from the ground, right?

SPEAKER_00 54:17

And then now you hear about them banning artificial colors and food dyes, not everything, but how all these they're well, whether they knew it or not before, you now see all the information come to light where it's um really affecting people as far as like the food dyes, I mean poison pretty much, or like two high amounts in certain foods.

SPEAKER_01 54:34

Right. It's all of it too. It's just like everything that toxic chemicals too that we're cleaning with and using in our homes. I think that there is a toxic overload that is definitely contributing to are there common nutrient deficiencies?

SPEAKER_00 54:47

Like which ones are there that like would you see if somebody went and got, you know, nutrient tests, like which ones would show up?

SPEAKER_01 54:54

Yeah, so it's commonly vitamin D, um, definitely folate because of the MTHFR. That's what helped me a lot. And then they put the, you know, the folic acid in a lot of the processed foods, which is damaging if you need folate uh because you can have toxic overload of that, your body's not processing it. Um my kids specifically, they're on um every night vitamin B, vitamin D. Um uh I actually have them take iron because they don't eat like they should be eating, you know. Like I'm trying to assist them with that. It's hard as they get older. Um, and let's see, I definitely have them take magnesium because I believe you need to have magnesium for your D to work and D for your magnesium to work. Most ADHDers really struggle with sleep. And so I think that that is just nutrition deficiency as well. But oh I mean, not all, but almost all of my ADHD clients struggle because their circadian rhythm is actually off. This is a real thing for ADHDers. When the sun starts to go down, their brain gets a burst of energy. So when everyone else is starting to wind down for the night, they're wide awake. I could be dead tired all day long. And then right around seven, eight o'clock, I'm like wired, even though all I've been thinking about all day is going to sleep. So ADHDers have a hard time um calming down and getting to bed. There's also like the we refer to it as like re revenge bedtime routine where we want the dopamine, everyone else is going to sleep. Now I finally have time to do whatever I want. It's nighttime. ADHDers just usually are night owls and love nighttime, but they struggle falling asleep and they struggle staying asleep. And I think a lot of that, I mean, some of it's racing thoughts and things like that, but it's also nutrition deficiency. So I'm really focusing on magnesium, vitamin D, uh, things that are helping. I've even used anisotole powder for my children to help them, you know, stay asleep.

SPEAKER_00 56:48

Yeah, I struggle with that early on, not so much anymore. Because I think it's nutrition deficiency. I really do. I've I've pretty much got everything so dialed in. I mean, I was super low on vitamin D when we finally actually did testing and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 57:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:01

Um, but I I think all of those things combined, like the, you know, anti-inflammatory tests, like uh fixing all the nutrient deficiencies, fixing the methylation process, like all that stuff together, like I'm pretty good now. Like, I don't, but in my 20s and early 30s, oh, it was terrible. Same thing. And then I'd just stay up all night just like thinking about like what I need to do the next day, and then what is like again, like I'm not doing enough. Like I didn't do enough today. I need to do more tomorrow. So that's what would keep me up. Or just like worrying about the world falling apart even though nothing's happening.

SPEAKER_01 57:33

Exactly, exactly. So that's where I feel like um having some kind of self-help, like for for my clients, it's obviously behavioral coaching, but learning how to manage those thoughts and calm them down in addition to nutrition. Because I was gonna just comment on the teenage diet today. You know, as a parent, you cannot control kids can drive at school, they're selling soda and chips for lunch. I mean, the teenage diet is like talkies or hot Cheetos and soda. That's what they're eating. They're going to Circle K and they're buying junk food, and it's so bad for them. And my son's a type one diabetic, and he was so angry that he had diabetes. He just rebelled against um, you know, any of the instruction that he got. And so it's like, you know, you can't force a 16, 17-year-old, 18-year-old to eat the way that you want them to eat. And it it takes a while and maturity for them, they have to come to their own uh understanding. It has to be their idea. They've suffered enough that they decide to start taking care of themselves. Those were difficult times. But I feel like with some of my teenagers now, they know I do this for a living. I we have regular family nights. I sit down and show them videos, I send them reels. They don't care. They just want to eat what tastes good. It's like, I wish you guys could see how damaging this is. But as a teenager, they're like, I don't care. I just want to eat hot Cheetos.

SPEAKER_00 58:52

I'm trying to work as much as I can with my kid like instilling all that stuff in him. And you know, he's he's he's pretty good, but hopefully when he gets older, he'll just the routine of doing it so long, maybe he'll be at least aware of it. So we'll see what happens. Yes. Do you think with modern technology and just so much stimulation they can get nowadays, you think that's causing more or worse symptoms of ADHD?

SPEAKER_01 59:16

Oh yeah, yeah, definitely. I see that. Most AD most parents will say that their child's behavior is worse once they've been on screens, um, that it uh creates more tantrums, more meltdowns, more um defiant behavior. Uh so I definitely think that that's a problem.

SPEAKER_00 59:35

What about social media when you're when a teenager, how does that affect someone with ADHD?

SPEAKER_01 59:39

So I'm pretty anti-social media for kids. My uh this might sound extreme, but my kids weren't allowed to have it until they're 18. Uh I let them like watch videos on YouTube when they got a little bit older, like you know, 16 years old, but monitored. Um, but social media is so damaging because, especially for ADHDers, ADHDers are run by their emotions. And so when they're up, they're up, but when they're down, they're down, and we're constantly having this influx of emotions all day long, which just that by itself can create a lot of added irritability just because we're so up and down. Uh, but because they are suffering with RSD and they're so emotional, um, you know, when you get on social media without even realizing it, 95% of people who are going to, let's say Instagram, for example, which is where teenagers are or TikTok, they're going there to compare themselves to people who are better than them or doing better than them. They don't realize it, but that's what they're doing. So everything is about how many likes they're getting, what are people doing? And all they're really experiencing is things that other people have that they don't have, parties that they weren't invited to, and they don't get as many likes as somebody else. So it's so damaging to an already very fragile self-esteem. Uh so my kids would always complain, everybody else has it. Um, it's not fair. This is how we communicate. I'm like, I know how fragile you are emotionally. Like, I would say this exactly to them, but there is no way you're not even handling high school very well. The last thing I'm gonna do is have you posting pictures on the internet and not be getting the amount of likes that you want or having somebody make a negative comment. Uh, my daughter, one of my daughters, um, was just bouncing around, feeling so good about herself. And somebody made like for a couple of years, she just like, I thought, wow, she just has this like confidence about her that's amazing. Uh, and then somebody made a comment, another girl at school about her weight, and she'd been putting on a little bit of weight. I couldn't believe how much that took her out. And this is just somebody saying it behind her back at school. Um, she went into like kind of a depression. It was, it was bad. And it lasted about a year and a half. It all started with that comment. Like she had never considered that people saw her that way. And that was just somebody at school. I can't even imagine how she would have done with social media. So I am totally against social media. And the other thing I'll say is that teenagers, it is true that they um communicate through Snapchat. And that's the worst one. And so a lot of parents will give in and give their kids Snapchat because they don't ask for each other's phone numbers anymore. They ask for their snap. I do not care. It is not worth it to me. Uh, I I will give them extra privileges. I will find ways to compensate because it is hard as a child that literally everybody else has Snapchat except except for them. Eight-year-olds are being given Snapchat. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:25

I'm not familiar with this the way the Snapchat works. I'm familiar with almost every other one, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:29

Um messages disappear.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:31

I knew that.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:32

Yeah, it's right. So the right now it's the number one app where kids are selling drugs to each other and also sending naked pictures. Um, so it's it's parents can't monitor that. So we have a lot of like bark, and we have different ways to monitor what our kids are doing and who they're talking to because there's a lot of situations out there. You can't monitor Snapchat at all. Messages disappear. Uh kids feel like they're safe because they can send a picture and it disappears, but people are snapshotting it and sending it to their friends. And also they all turn on their locations. So you can see where anybody is. This means strangers, people that they're giving their, like they could be playing video games with someone, give them their snap, and now that person knows where they live, they know where they are, they want to be able to see how cool they are and how awesome their life is. You can see where they're going all day long. There's no privacy. And there's a lot of other things. They used to have like after dark, there was like pornographic material on there, but parents can't monitor their child's activity. Yeah, it's a problem.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:30

You know, there's a lot of good because uh, you know, with the amount of access to information that you have now, which is like the amazing part, but I think there's always a downside to everything. I mean, um, I think the when you're younger, it looks like on social media that like every 20-year-old's a millionaire and drives a Lamborghini in his own. Yeah, that that's where you know it's really tough for a younger kid not knowing like how hard it really is to, you know, be really successful and you have to work hard at it. And again, there's probably like, you know, one in a million people that can um has something happen where they do blow up like that, but the majority of people they just end up comparing themselves, like I'm not doing good enough. I couldn't believe if that I mean if that was around when I was a kid, it would have been would have been a struggle.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:17

I'm so glad it wasn't because I think it is, and also uh, you know, this generation of kids now, they a lot of them don't know how to be. I mean, everything's instant gratification now, right? So they don't know how uh to be patient or just put in the time. It's like if they don't see the fruits of their labor after a few months, they're like, Oh, I'm gonna quit. It's not fulfilling, that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:38

But the good side is like there's so much access to information. Like you could learn anything. You like none of that was available before. Right. And then also, you know, just the way that they can like reach out to mentor. I mean, like the access to people, the access to information is is so crazy. So I think that's the good side for sure. And, you know, again, like there's always some bad when things are that popular, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:05

Right. I mean, I I totally agree with you. I mean, the reason I have such a successful business is because I'm able to be online and reach people outside of the United States. You know, I I get to even teach internationally. Um, people in Sweden and then the Netherlands and the UK. I I love the internet that it can reach people and give them good information. I just think it's so damaging for our teenagers.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:28

Yeah. I, you know, when I was younger at a small, I was lived in a small town, but I didn't know anything outside of my small town. So I think having the access to the information and like seeing that there was like other people that were similar to me that were like outside of my town, that would have been a good thing. Um, so I I do think it's a positive thing on the like information side, just because it was so like you have to go to school, you have to go to college, then you have to get a job, and then you like needed to learn something or from someone. And then now you there's there's just so much. I mean, you could you can learn anything that you want between YouTube and Chat GPT. Like you could literally figure out how to do anything.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:02

It's awesome. I mean, if you want honestly, the real problem is that we don't have enough parents just monitoring it correctly.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:08

It comes down to a parenting role.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:09

A lot of parents today I'll see them even writing online like, I'm not gonna check my child's phone until they give me reason not to. I'm like, or or give me a reason to. And it's like the the problem is there's so much temptation there that the the the most well-behaved child could be lured into something. And so I don't I personally don't think that's the right approach. And it is challenging. I mean, I will say that um my kids, their friends got cell phones at age 12 or younger, and so they were really upset that they couldn't have one, or uh all of their friends were on Snapchat. And so, you know, every parent can make the decision that's best for them. I'm not I I'm not meaning to judge individually, but I do think that if parents educated themselves on what was really going on, I mean, I had the benefit of coaching teenagers, and so they were telling me their deepest secrets. So they're sneaking out of the house and talking to older men and getting on online dating sites, lying about their age, and then snapping these men all the time, um, staying up at night and when all their friends went to bed feeling totally depressed and crying at three in the morning and then creating stories and telling everybody about it on TikTok, their parents had no idea, and they probably would have been shocked to hear these things. Parents just don't know or understand, I think sometimes the temptation and all the other kids are doing it. So if we were just better at monitoring our child's activity, uh, the apps that they have, making it more age appropriate. The problem with Snapchat is it's really an adult app, but they put all kinds of like fun filters in there and they add all of these things that lure children in. And so this is why kids are using it. But it I don't think kids should be using Snapchat at all.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:52

If someone listening has ADHD and it feels like it it held them back in life, what are some things they can start doing to design their life to you know benefit from ADHD?

SPEAKER_01 1:08:03

This is a great question because uh there are a lot of people that will say, I love that I have ADHD. It feels like a superpower, but there are more people that say ADHD has ruined my life. I hate that I have ADHD and almost a little offended that we might say, I love, like, I love that I have ADHD. You please don't ever take it away from me. And so I understand that. Like people have had difficult times. They feel like their ADHD has caused emotional dysregulation, uh, so much so that they can't keep a job, they can't wake up and be responsible, they blame it all on their ADHD. And so I think um the first thing I do with my clients is I help them understand this has nothing to do with your personality or what you're capable of. This is just a wiring issue that nobody ever taught you about. And when you can separate these two and say, oh, it's not that I'm broken, it's not that I chose to do these things because a lot of this is just uh repeated messaging. You have you can't do this, you can't do that. And so they're broken because they have adopted that identity now. And what I the the difference between my coaching and most ADHD coaches is uh most ADHD coaches will be executive functioning coaches, which is very it's needed, right? Like how to help uh become more organized and stay on task and processes. But most ADHDers, if you talk to them, they'll say that they have absorbed podcasts and books and all kinds of different things that they've heard or courses they've participated in, and it hasn't helped them really make that transformation. And it's because I believe everything starts at an emotional regulation level. If you can change your identity and the way that you see yourself and all of this conditioning that you can't, you can't, you can't, you haven't been able to, other people can, and I can't, then you can start being more consistent in life. Uh, one of the main reasons that ADHDers feel so bad about themselves is because they haven't been able to be consistent. Because if you think about like self-confidence and how you feel about yourself and the way you're showing up, you have to be pretty consistent in life. People have to be able to count on you, you see things through, you follow through. And ADHDers usually, without working on themselves, are pretty terrible at that. So when it comes to helping adult ADHD clients who are feeling bad about themselves and they can't show up or be consistent, I educate them on what RSD is. I teach them that it's their wiring, not their personality. And then we start with emotional regulation. What is their self-confidence? Why is it that way? How can they let go of the past and kind of clean slate moving forward? It's interesting because really consistency and follow-through takes care of it itself when they see themselves differently.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:44

Yeah. And then also you get self-confidence by just not breaking promises to yourself and keeping commitments to yourself. And then once you start doing that, you're like, wait a second, you like I am gonna do this, I can do this. And so I tell I tell people that all the time. For for parents listening and think they may think their kid has ADHD, what should they be doing to help their kid like flourish, I guess, you know, if they if they truly think that they have something or diagnosed with ADHD?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:12

Right. Again, like I think it's really important that they all understand RSD because most parents aren't managing that very well. Their kids having meltdowns, they're getting really offended, and so they they lash out in behaviors, and so uh parents, you know, they don't tolerate that or their kids getting punished. Uh, and so uh sitting down and explaining what RSD is and then working with your child. So, for example, uh my dot, my one daughter, she really struggled with RSD the most. And so for a time, she would yell at me, I hate you. So I'd sit down with her and say, You're not allowed to say things like that, but I'll meet you where you're at. We'll we'll work on this together. So I wouldn't yell at her or say, get back here, young lady, because she slammed a door, because she didn't say I hate you. Like I could see that she was working on this. She would always come out of her room 30 minutes later and apologize. So I had to learn to manage my own expectations and my own emotional regulation. Like meet them where they're at, uh, teach them about what's going on, and then you work together to overcome this. Instead of just expecting them to be able to manage their impulsivity, they don't understand their brain. They have very little control over it. Learn about RSD, learn about um what helps an RSD episode, and then teach them about it and work on it together. We want to see progress in baby steps. Uh, Dr. Dodson tells a story about um, well, he talks about uh back in the day, long ago, when ADHD medication wasn't as well known and a lot of people figured out how to be very successful, even with a lot of impairing ADHD symptoms. He said they all had one thing in common: people who weren't getting treatment, they didn't have medication, and it was that they all had a person in their lives that was their cheerleader. That instead of beating them down and why can't you do this and what's wrong with you? They said things like, you know what? If if you're not being successful at this, it's not for lack of trying. I know you're trying as hard as anyone could. And so whatever's going on, we're gonna figure this out together. I'm here for you. I am going to help you get where you want to go because I see you. You're doing a great job. And having that cheerleader in your life who believes in you, ADHDers is so interesting. So, for example, like I'll go to an IEP meeting for an ADHD yeah, and it's like divided in half. These teachers all talk about how the child's doing, and it's like they're terrible in class, they don't sit still, they don't listen, they don't finish their work. And then these teachers are giving commentary, like, they're awesome. We have this great relationship. I have no problems with this child in class. It's like, why? Why such a difference? Because ADHDers really respond to pleasing people, but people who see them for who they want to be. So when it comes to like you could have an ADHD child who's just like total, total, just like, I don't know, hyperactive, being kind of a menace in class, and you give them some kind of leadership responsibility, line leader, take this to the office for me. I need you to be in charge of this thing. All of a sudden, they're they're very best behaved in class. So learning to work with an ADHD brain, what motivates their brain? What helps them feel the part of being responsible? That's what it is. Show them who they could be, speak to that person. Most adults are just pointing out everything the ADHD child is doing wrong. We know that uh science says that for every one critical remark, you should be giving five positive remarks. Even if it's like pick up your shoes or go do this thing, five positive remarks. I'm so proud of you. You did this great. And I I go and educate in the schools, I talk to teachers and admin, and I'll tell them like, if that child's really misbehaving, sometimes it's hard for us to just want to compliment them, but that's how you manage their behavior. So even if they've been terrible, but you notice, oh, they stayed in their seat for 30 seconds longer than they normally do, tell them. That's what changes behavior, not constantly telling them what they're doing wrong.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:07

Hey everyone, real quick, I just want to let you know this podcast is 100% independent. No ads, no sponsors, just real. If you're finding value in whatever we're doing here, the biggest help that you can give us is hitting subscribe and sharing this with someone who you think needs to hear it or someone that it will provide value to. That's how we continue to grow. And if you did that, I would really appreciate it. What are some of the biggest myths about ADHD? I hope that you that are out there maybe on the internet.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:37

Yes. Uh well, one that you grow out of it, right? Like I used to have ADHD, but I don't anymore. It's a huge myth. Uh, that ADHDers will get addicted to ADHD medication. The bigger problem that ADHDers have is that they forget to take their medication. I think uh I think when they did research, they showed that most ADHDers weren't refilling their prescription by month three or four. They just forget. Uh, you can become addicted to ADHD medication, but it's usually people who are already abusing drugs or that don't have ADHD because ADHD medication doesn't create like this euphoric feeling. In fact, I only knew my medication was working because I would look back on my day and recognize, oh, I got all these things done that normally I don't get done in a day. Uh yeah, so I think um, and also that ADHD is an impairment of just follow through and and um distractability, that some and a large majority of ADHDers, their only impairment will mostly be emotional dysregulation. And like I said earlier, that you're going to fix executive functioning habits by just working on processes. That actually has to come later. If you don't change the mindset, they will always self-sabotage in their behavior. You have to change the way that they feel about themselves, the way that they regulate their impulsivity and what they believe they're capable of if you're going to be able to fix the executive function deficits.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:04

If you give one message to someone with ADHD who feels like their brain works against them, what would you tell them? Uh what would you want them to know?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:13

That well, that you're not stuck like this. That it's it only feels that way because you haven't been given the right information and tools. Uh the the the you know, school, the the world we live in is not set up for the ADHD brain. But when you understand your brain, you'll be able to accomplish anything you put your mind to.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:30

Turn it into the superpower.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:32

Absolutely. That this is why we make great entrepreneurs because we're risk takers, we have vision, uh, we're usually very stubborn about something that we set our minds to, you know. Uh, and so, and the other thing that I have found is that it's true that we do deal with debilitating symptoms. I mean, it was really causing a lot of havoc in my life in my 20s. And so what I've because we're so all or nothing, you know, um, you really do have to work through the things that are holding you back, the debilitating symptoms for all of the gifts to rise to the surface. And so that's why this is so working on the emotional regulation is so important because once you work through those things, really all of the gifts just rise. And it's like, wow, I didn't know what I was capable of.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:15

Yeah, I think that's why a lot of people just maybe don't realize that that's what's wrong with them. And so they end up drugs and alcohol is the thing that makes them feel better, and then they're off on the deep end, which is actually gonna make it worse.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:26

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:28

So there are tools out there if they do want to get a hold of you or um for your coaching or your help or advice, how do they get a hold of you?

SPEAKER_01 1:18:36

Well, uh, so I can be found on social media. So on on Facebook and YouTube, I'm Jerry South, and on Instagram, I'm Ms. like Ms. JerrySouth. But also I have a website, jerrysouth.com, and so I offer consults for people that, you know, free consults if they want to learn more about the program. So I have group cohorts and I also offer one-on-one coaching uh where I'm I'm uh implementing both the a very specific uh rapid reframe response model to uh help with emotional regulation. And by the way, a lot of my clients have been in therapy for years, and this is the first thing that helped them. So ADHDers are very visual learners. They need systems and processes that are tangible, so that's what I provide. Uh, and then also I bring in everything that we know to be true about the ADHD brain and incorporate that all together. So uh that's where I offer uh ADHD tests. You know, I can't formally diagnose someone, but I do have a very good ADHD evaluation there, also RSD. I offer a free webinar on that. So there's a lot of resources, uh, school IEP and 504 plan information, all of that can be found on my website.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:44

Okay. Awesome. Thank you for coming on. I think it's gonna help a ton of people and answer a lot of questions that either maybe they didn't know they had it, or you know, a friend or a family member or even a child. Um, it'll help them out. So hopefully it'll point them in the right direction.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:59

I hope so. That's why I'm doing what I'm doing is I'm really trying to be the person that I was looking for when my children were struggling that I didn't know that I needed.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:08

Awesome. Thank you for coming on.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:09

Yeah, thank you. Thanks for having me. This has been a lot of fun.